Survivor
Boys vs. Girls

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Joanna: B- | Grade It Now!
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Battle of the Sexists

Zooming shots of scenery bring us to Tambaqui on Day 3 as they head for a treemail check and someone cracks a very lame, belated "You've got mail" joke. In an interview, Roger boasts that they're the "most macho guys that have ever been on Survivor." He says they're good-looking, macho, and confident, and if they lose to the women, they'll get ragged on. In a typically macho way, they decide to read the clue aloud together, but to his credit, Matthew refrains. The clue reads, "Working together from the start/ As time goes by you'll surely part/ Use balance, agility, and a bit of wit/ Be the one to fall short and tonight you could be it." They all groan and point as if the clue means something to them, and Daniel exclaims, "Balance and agility!" A twangy instrument closes out the scene.

We're spared Jaburu's reading of the clue, but we're not spared their team cheer before heading off to the challenge. Deena tells us that although she thinks the women will win a couple of challenges, it's likely the men will dominate based on strength alone. As they walk, Heidi announces that she can handle the agility, but she's not sure about the balancing. Because, after all, she asks, who is really good at balancing? Jenna tells us in an interview that if it's a physical challenge, Heidi "needs to show 'em her boobs." ["Thanks for weighing in, jackass." -- Wing Chun]

The girls arrive at the challenge and stare at Peachy. The boys arrive at the challenge and stare at the girls. Seriously, someone needs to hold Rob back, because he's about three seconds away from humping Heidi's leg. Peachy asks the men how they're doing, and they compete to be the most enthusiastic in proclaiming their fantastic status. They go all Danny Zuko at the bonfire when his friend catch him with Sandy, all "Oh that's cool, baby. You know how it is, rockin' an' rollin' an' what not." And the girls are all, "Eat your heart out," and "Tell me about it, stud." All that's missing is a stiletto on a cigarette butt. The men insist that they've caught lots of fish, but the women don't believe them. They're quick to say, however, that they ate their very own fish that morning. The men don't believe them either, and Daniel adds, "Look at how skinny they are!" Score a point for Daniel with the ladies!

Peachy passes around the idol for the women to touch, adding, "Joanna, did you get that?" And if that's not a shout-out, I don't know what is. The men get to lay hands on the idol, as well. Peachy explains that they want the idol more than anything else in the jungle, which isn't the case for most of the men given that Shawna, Heidi, and Jenna are in the vicinity. Peachy assures them that the first Tribal Council will happen tonight, and that the first challenge is a "doozy" and involves a lot of elements. First, the entire tribe will be chained together and navigate a "toughnut," which is a fancy word for "bunch of wooden stakes," to reach a key on the other side which will unlock them into two groups of four. Next, they will compete to solve a puzzle using a number-and-letter dial. The solution will reveal a second key, which will break each tribe into four groups of two. A balance beam follows, at the end of which awaits another key. If the pairs fall off the balance beam or touch the ground, they'll have to start again. After completing the balance-beam leg, another key will release them from their pairings, and yet another puzzle is next. After solving the puzzle and retrieving another key, one member of the tribe will "unlock the flying fox," zip down a line, and unlock a final key. He/she will then unlock a gate restraining their other tribemates, who will then race as a group to the finish line, where the lamest-looking immunity idol ever awaits them. Seriously, it appears to be a potato sack.

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Survivor

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