Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
"I Quit. No, I Don't. Wait, What Was The Question?"

And...look, I am sorry, because I am not making fun of the way Cirie looks. I am making fun of the way Cirie dresses. There is no excuse for bringing that extremely small halter bathing suit as her suit for Survivor. It's not just that it offers no support; it's also insanely too small for her, given the size of her chest. It is the most senseless and distracting garment ever brought on this show. And that's on top of the fact that, as stated, it offers absolutely and totally no support, and I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it must be. (By which I mean, "I can totally imagine how uncomfortable it must be, and, ow.") In fact, what's interesting is that if you look at Cirie's body in profile, if she were wearing a proper suit, she wouldn't look like that big of a lady, but she looks like a very big lady, because she's popping out of her clothes and everything is all zoinging around willy-nilly. She's just not dressing her chest. It's upsettingly unflattering.

Consider the mighty iguana, how he struts and frets his hour upon the stage.

Shane is near Courtney and Danielle when he decides to declare that there is to be an alliance among the three of them and Aras. No questions! No wondering! No backing out! No negotiations! Just an impenetrable alliance to the end! He specifically asks that the entire thing not be "dramatic." Ha ha ha! Awesome. No drama, that Shane. He haaates drama. He explains in an interview how he wanted to just "lock in" so that they'd be all done. Lock in, suckas! Ride Shane all the way to the end! Watch him go, ladies! "I swear to you on my son's life," he says to Aras and the girls, "it's us four." Oh, I hate the swearing on children. My people don't do that shit, but even if that weren't the case, it's so...I mean, if you're going to lie in the first place, you're not going to not lie because you swore on your kid. Especially if you're a guy like Shane. "Here's the deal: if any of you screw me, I'll find you and kill you," he says. And it's one of those things that's so funny you sort of want to buy mace. Courtney laughs, but Shane says, "I'm serious." Wait. He's serious? Did he just threaten to kill people and then interrupt the giggling to say, "I'm serious"? I don't often given legal advice in recaps, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: don't do that. Danielle gives a little speech about how they formed this installiance, and I think she's trying to say that if you snooze you lose and stuff, but she kind of comes off looking like she has no idea what she's trying to say. She also really reminds me of a less fugly Jenna Morasca, which is kind of freaking me out. Not as much as a more fugly Jenna Morasca would, but still.

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