Survivor
Breakdown

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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"I Quit. No, I Don't. Wait, What Was The Question?"

Jeff's like, "Anyway," and moves on to the explanation of the challenge, embarrassed for the male sex that Shane is being such a weenie. He explains that this challenge will "test your ability to work together while transporting a giant zombie head from the ocean to the beach." Yes, Jeff Probst just said "giant zombie head." Say it to yourself a few times. Giant zombie head! Giant zombie head! Giant zombie head! And...I'm sorry, but aren't zombies sort of...fictional? How can Survivor claim to have possession of the head of a zombie? Is it made of Styrofoam? I find this confusing. I don't mean to be the person who's like, "Is it a real zombie head?," but I'm trying to figure out what to make of that. ["I don't want to say that you just besmirched the great city of New Orleans by casting doubt upon their beliefs and traditions, but...I hope you're proud of yourself." -- Wing Chun]

The Giant Zombie Head challenge begins with both teams out on boats anchored in the water. The upshot is fairly simple -- two people from your tribe drag your boat by diving to the bottom and pulling the very heavy trunk that acts as your anchor. To make it tricky, the boats have holes that will be uncorked at the beginning, so they'll fill up with water that your team will have to bail as it makes its way back to shore. I guess the zombie head is...in the boat? In the anchor? I'm not sure. Anyway, on shore, you clip your boat to a post, and then you drag your trunk to the finish mat and stick your zombie head on top of your zombie body. (That would make a great workout video. Your Zombie Body. That's basically what Kathy Smith is like anyway.)

Ready? Go! Oh, okay, the zombie heads are on the platforms, so they take them down and bring them in the boat. I got it. Aras and President Beefcake dive to the bottom for Casaya. Everyone else bails. Terry and Nick dive for La Mina. Little progress is made until Nick swaps out for Austin, who says, "Hey, Terry, listen to me. I'm coming in, and I'm pulling the rope while you carry." On the one hand, he just told Terry to take the heavy part, in a way, but on the other hand, I think he's right that you need a plan. Otherwise, you just have two people down there lifting the trunk, and nothing happens. They dive down, and indeed, Terry worries just about carrying the trunk, while Austin pulls on the rope that drags the boat. For his team, Shane goes down and manages to stay submerged for about three seconds before surfacing. Nice lung capacity, there, Smokey. My favorite Probst line ever comes here: "La Mina still in the lead, but only because Casaya is absolutely inept!" He doesn't sugarcoat like he used to, that's for sure, as Lydia The Undeservingest Contestant Ever learned last season.

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Survivor

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