Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 486 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Goodbye, Dolly

Commercials. And volcano! Bat! Skull on a stick! Hey, what the hell went down during that break, anyway? Sadly, nothing, because everyone at Lopevi appears to have the same head on his shoulders with which he arrived. Rory and Chad retrieve the tree mail, and the Survivor poet laureates have really outdone themselves today. It's the traditional poorly rhymed, poorly scanned crap, but in this case it sounds like something that could apply to any challenge at all. It does serve to remind them of the Spirit Stone that they "won" at the arrival ceremony by not letting it default to the women. Rory explains that the Spirit Stone was supposed to bring luck, but "We haven't won immunity yet." Yes, they're 0 for 1 on immunity challenges. That's quite a losing streak. Chad interviews that they've been "neglecting" the stone, but that maybe things will go better for them if they "give it more respect." Meanwhile, we're seeing footage of the men tying the stone to the end of an eight- or nine-foot pole and planting the pole in the beach. Stone side up, in case that wasn't clear. They've literally put the Spirit Stone up on a pedestal. Immediately it begins raining. Rory tells us that he doesn't know if it's "sick timing," but the fact that rain came out of nowhere after they mounted the stone leads him to believe that "there's magic on Vanuatu." Okay. Or maybe there's just a pissed-off Judeo-Christian deity who wants to remind his boys about a little thing he likes to call the First and Second Commandments. The CBS promo department makes a note to send Rory a nice little gift basket.

Time for the Immunity Challenge. There's a large, multi-level platform set up on the grass above the beach, which is also littered with large, colorfully-painted slabs of wood tied together in pairs and set up like advertising sandwich boards. There are also several tied to buoys floating in the water. Jeff takes the Immunity Pole from Yasur, as Twila promises quietly, "We'll git it back." Jeff explains that the challenge will "test communication and the ability to work together." I love the way Jeff always says "test" when he really means "display your tragic and almost complete lack of." He explains that the wooden sections lying around are puzzle pieces. Each tribe will choose one member to be its eyes, and the rest will be blindfolded, tied together at the waist in three groups, and dispatched to the various corners of the field, the beach, and the water to retrieve the puzzle pieces, directed by the sighted tribe member. They are to bring the puzzle pieces back to their tribal mat, and once they're all collected, they take off their blindfolds, untie themselves, and start assembling the puzzles. Each tribe has three levels of the platform, and they need to complete a puzzle on each level. The first tribe to complete all three wins immunity. And, of course, the challenge represents yet another chance for Lopevi to win a little flint. I'd just like to say that I originally thought this challenge would be more entertaining if they had to put together the puzzles while still blindfolded, but as we shall soon see, I was just being greedy. Dolly agrees to sit this one out, and Yasur unanimously chooses Scout as its eyes. Lopevi nominates Sarge. Yeah, that must have been a tough decision. Pick the guy who makes a living shouting at hundreds of people at a time, or the guy who sounds like Boomhauer from King of the Hill? (I'm making a weighing motion with my hands as I type this.)

Survivor

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