Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 486 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Goodbye, Dolly

The tribes are blindfolded, tied together in teams of two and three, and lined up at the foot of the platform. Jeff gives the go command, and Sarge is immediately barking precise orders to his men. He's using phrases like "fifteen paces...ten o'clock" while Scout is hollering helpful instructions like "Pick that up!" Super. Sarge calls Travis to the sound of his voice, and Travis and his partner make a beeline for him -- until they smack their puzzle pieces into Mia. And these are pieces of wood that are roughly four feet square, so having a couple of galoots plow one into you from behind probably stings a little. Yasur gets a pair of pieces first, and I'd just like to say how unfair it is that I barely know who all these people are yet as it is, and now I'm supposed to recognize them with their buffs tied over the entire upper halves of their faces? Fuck that. Lopevi is close behind with their first pair. Scout steers two of her groups right into each other, while Dolly sits and watches and laughs. It's a little hard to hate her. JP is about to walk his team into a tree, but Sarge orders him to stop just in time. "Nine o'clock," Sarge bellows, meaning turn ninety degrees left, and JP obediently turns ninety degrees right. Oh, brother. Sarge yells, "Okay, six o'clock," meaning do a one-eighty, but by the time he gets that far, JP has already interpreted the "Okay" as "Go" and led them into a knee-high tree root that trips them both up. Sarge is still hollering, "SIX O'CLOCK, JP," but JP has, sadly, already built up a good head of steam in the direction of down o'clock. "Sorry, Sarge," he says lamely.

Survivor

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