Burly Girls, Bowheads, Young Studs And The Old Bunch

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | Grade It Now!
Goodbye, Dolly

A Yasur pair gets to the water and calls to Scout for guidance. "Water team, go straight, go straight," she answers. Sarge guides Chris, Rory, and maybe Agent Brady into home base with their tribe's second pair, then directs Travis to a third one without even taking a breath. Yasur has five pairs, even though a lot of Scout's strategy seems to be built around gesturing emphatically to her blindfolded tribemates. Meanwhile, knee-deep in the ocean, her totally lost water team is all, "One, two, three -- SCOOUUT!!" Hee, hee. That's not a sign of strong leadership. Scout tells them to go right. Sarge also has a team in the water. It's JP, and Sarge has given up on the outmoded analog clock mode of communication and is simply yelling "Go left!" JP finds his floating pieces. Scout backs Mia and someone else into another pair in the grass. Sarge screams, "Bubba, left" about twelve times, but Travis glides straight ahead past a pair on the beach, while his partner helpfully tries to pull him to the right. They eventually figure out that Sarge means their other left, and they describe a hilarious counterclockwise circle around the puzzle pieces right next to them until Sarge practically crashes them into it. Lopevi's three-man team comes back to base with a pair, crashing into Yasur's water team. Lopevi has eight pairs of puzzle pieces now, and Yasur has just delivered its sixth pair. Travis's partner brings in another pair, forgetting that there's already a sizable pile right there for him to bark his shin on painfully. Which he does. "You're all right," Travis tells him, secretly congratulating himself on hanging back and making the other guy take the lead. Scout is struggling, telling people to "stay on the path," like that's helpful, and someone is bitching to her that they can't hear her out there. Which is true, and although I know I couldn't compete with Sarge on vocal power, I know I'd be choosing my words more carefully in order to drop them into those rare moments when he inhales.

Sarge, meanwhile, is directing one of his teams to a pair of pieces in the water. "Water team," Scout yells, "you're going to pick one up there in a minute." And sure enough, out on the beach, Eliza immediately racks herself on it. She has this to say: "Oww!" She continues, "Owowow!" And furthermore, "Ow!" Jeff winces, which just makes it funnier. Lopevi's three-man team drops off that tribe's penultimate pair. Scout tells Ami to go straight ahead, and Ami does, her partner saying, "Feel in front of you, 'cause you never know. OOF!" This last is because she's just gotten a faceful of totem pole. What an eloquent testimonial to how much Scout sucks at this. Hope that heals in time for the Stuff magazine shoot. Sarge continues to holler "LEEEFT!" at the directionally-challenged JP out in the water, until his partner just happens upon it by randomly reaching behind himself. Sarge calls them home. Scout continues projecting her voice at a volume that would barely reach the back row of a classroom. Rory volunteers to direct the last team in, and he and I think Agent Brady yell something until Sarge tells them to "Stay still and be quiet." And then just Rory is singing out at top volume, "LOOOOPEEEEVI! LOOOOOPEEEEVI!" Forcing Sarge to yell over him as well. Smart move there. Is he looking for ways to get on people's nerves? Sarge, bug-eyed with rage, screams, "Hey, you! Hey! Stop! You are messin' me up!" This at a considerably louder volume than he's been using to communicate with his guys who are a hundred yards away. Rory shuts up. Yasur's three-woman team has been reduced to crawling along the beach until they stumble upon another pair, almost no thanks to Scout. Eliza from the water team volunteers to go back out, but Scout tells her they're good. Eliza asks again if there are more pieces in the water, and Scout insists, "No, we got 'em." Then she continues calling the rest of the teams in while the editors help us out with a shot of two Yasur pieces floating offshore. Nice choice of "eyes" there, Yasur. JP drops off the last pair of Lopevi pieces, falling and banging his head against a platform support in the process. Only place it couldn't hurt him, like my dad used to say.

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