Cook Islands Reunion

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Remember When Everyone Wasn't Dumb That One Time?

Jeff goes to Brad to ask about pressure to "represent." Brad says he does think that pressure exists, and talks about the pressure to combat stereotypes that Asian men are "thin" and "nerdy." And, interestingly, "WASPy." He says he thinks that he and Yul broke the stereotypes very well. Now that we're done with nice, friendly Brad, it's time to move along. Specifically, when we return: Candice and Adam! I can't wait, can you?

When we come back, Jeff asks Candice whether the thing with Adam was "strategy" or "romance." She explains that it was initially strategy, and we are all subjected to more footage of them touching their mouths together and moving their heads around. She says that eventually, though, she and Adam "developed a bond and a relationship." In the end, Candice says, there was "a little romance." And then Jeff turns to Adam and asks the status. The first words out of Adam's mouth are "You know, Candice is a great girl." And there is a loud, pained groan from the entire audience, because "she's a great girl" is the absolute worst, shittiest thing you can say about someone you've made out with. It would only be better if he had said "gal." Adam goes on to say that he liked Candice, and trusted her, but of course, they have nothing to do with each other now.

Now, Jeff moves on to Nate and Parvati, who he claims seemed more like a couple when they were out on the island than they appeared on the show as edited. Jeff asks Nate whether he had "feelings for Parvati." Nate's all, "Look at her," as if it is perfectly obvious that only a fool would not have feelings for her, and large-tooth fetishists everywhere are like, "Word." Nate adds, "She was warm." I like to think of that literally, like, "Ninety-eight-point-six!" But Jeff wants a yes or no answer, so Nate just says, "Yes." "Yes, there were some feelings," Jeff presses, as the audience applauds. "Yes, definitely," says Nate. Parvati licks her lips. Ech. Asked for her thoughts, she's like, "I love Nate," but she doesn't mean it like that. You can always tell when "I love [x]" is preceded by a secret "Look." Because "I love Nate" and "Look, I love Nate" are two very different things, in responding to a "what I think of Nate" kind of question. Parvati goes on to say that Nate really helped her to stay positive when the team was losing. Boy, that is warm. And personal! Jeff asks Parvati next about just what kind of "boxing" she does. "Um, it's called model boxing," she says, and everyone giggles. But she insists that it's "real boxing," because she trains in an actual gym. "It's legitimate boxing. It's really quite difficult," she says. I wonder whether anyone has told her that, in most sports, you don't have to be a model to play. Happily, everyone chortles again, because: girl, please. I don't hate on you for model boxing, but you can't get precious when people think it's funny.

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