Survivor
Countdown To Africa

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Countdown or Smackdown?

Peachy announces that it's just one week until the premiere when "sixteen strangers" will go on the "adventure of a lifetime." Does he use this same speech every time? In this episode, we'll meet the new cast, see clips from their audition tapes, and view an "exclusive preview." I don't believe he uses the word "special" in this whole introduction, so maybe he got my point. And I guess the concept of an "exclusive preview" loses its punch when the first episode has already aired. I tried to make it, I really did, but that infernal DVD got the best of me. Peachy also says we'll hear from the men and women of the first two seasons. They'll "talk straight" and "reveal their personal secrets." I don't think I want to know Sue Hawk's personal secrets.

"First there was the island," according to a melodramatic Peachy. We see clips from Pulau Tiga. And there's Rudy! "Then there was the Outback." We see clips from Australia. And there's Rodger! "Ahead," according to Peachy, lies the "greatest adventure yet." I think I'd feel pretty slighted if I was on one of the other seasons, but then again, it is Africa.

Peachy looks like he's been on the Survivor Diet. He's all head. So this special is the "insider's guide" to "how to watch, whom to watch, and what to watch for." If I were in Africa, I'd be watching out for elephant dung, but then again, mammoth piles of shit are hard to miss. Peachy tells us that we'll get help from the people who know best that the "battle begins the very first moment." Different Survivors say the same thing different ways. We see the ship that abandoned the Pulau Tiga crew, and the plane that abandoned the Outback gang. A long-haired Gretchen tells us that her survival skills counted for nothing out there. Well, they did count for something -- her obvious competency led to a premature demise. Gervase says it's important not to piss anyone off. He doesn't say it's important to work hard, which would have been funny. Jeff Varner says that you don't need a leader, but Kimmi points out that "you don't want to be too much of a weak link," either. They're not all in the same place when they comment, but it's pieced together to make it look and sound like it's a group conversation in which none of them is listening to each other. Were they all actually in the same place, the conversation would pretty much go the same way.

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Survivor

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