Countdown To Africa

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Countdown or Smackdown?

We're now at Tagi camp from Survivor I; and Richard is up in his tree. In my first ever recap (I was so young then, sigh, sob), I commented that Richard reminded me of the Cheshire Cat -- perched in his tree, talking in riddles and irritating the hell out of everyone. He still reminds me of the Cheshire Cat. Sean -- there's something weird going on with his left ear -- says that Richard's sitting up in the tree was a "bad move." B.B. tells us he never thought that Rich would survive the first episode. Gervase tells us he was like, "What the hell are you doin' up in a tree? You should be down here talking to us." Except Gervase was on Pagong, not Tagi, so I'm unsure why he's injected himself into the scenario. He's like Forrest Gump. Gretchen analyzes the tape and says that Richard went about things the wrong way. If "wrong way" means "whatever way wins the million dollars," that is. I don't see him here two years later, grasping for one last ounce of fame and rehashing the same stuff over and over and over again. I'm not defending Richard Hatch. I'm just saying, is all. Anyway, we view the oft-shown clip when Richard says he's already won the million. Rudy tells us that Rich didn't know what he was talking about at that point, because it was anyone's game at that point. Sue tells us that Rich only knew how to "sit on his ass and talk." Hey, Sue, Gretchen's head is on the phone. It wants its haircut back. Rudy nods his head and curmudgeons that Rich is a "bigmouth." I miss Rudy. If you couldn't tell. Sue then tells us that her first thought of Richard was, "He's just a lazy fat ass." Kelly tells us that Rich is a "smart man," and Tina agrees that he may be smart, but insists that luck played a role in his winning. Sean doesn't want to play "armchair Survivor," but he thinks Rich would have been disposed of very quickly in the second season.

Now we're at Pagong camp, with B.B. working too hard, giving everybody orders, and nearly giving himself a heart attack. He tells us that he didn't have any conscious strategy going into the game, but that he just wanted to get things started. Mike Skupin from the second season says that some people will try to be the "go-to guy," which is exactly what he himself did. Gretchen tells us that B.B. built a great building, but put it in the wrong location; Gervase insists that talent is an asset, as long as it's a really good talent. Rudy says that B.B. probably was the hardest worker, but that "he was in too much of a hurry." Seriously, Rudy quotes are always funny, but they're so much funnier straight from his mouth to your ears without all these letters in the way. We see more clips of B.B. giving orders and lamenting his tribe's collective laziness. He points out Colleen for not doing her assigned work. Of course, we're supposed to feel outraged because pre-Elisabeth Colleen was America's sweetheart, but really she is just sitting there. Gervase says it's not like B.B. is his boss: "What's he going to do -- fire us?" Poor B.B. swallows his pride as he tells us that he lost sight of the game's objective. Gervase sums it up: "B.B. was an ass."

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