Every time I see the commercials for Don't Say a Word, I'm convinced that the Brittany Murphy part was written for Calista Flockhart -- vulnerable, underfed, and writhing around. Calista's version of writhing is more commonly known as dancing.
We're back, and Peachy's on the set, which I just noticed features a zebra rug. I wonder whether the camps will be decorated likewise. PETA will be so pleased. And yes, the zebra is an endangered species. And yes, I realize that may be a faux zebra rug, but still it's lame. Peachy tells us that the game is the same in any location, which is why I'm still campaigning for a parking lot in east Baltimore. In a montage of clips, it looks like the Survivors are asked to respond to names with one-word descriptions. Sean says, "Loudmouth: Sue." This is followed by a clip from Pulau Tiga of Sue telling Sean to "get some balls." Gervase says, "Grouch: B.B." Rudy says, "Grouch: probably me." Rodger and Alicia both think Jeff is the grouch. A typically clueless Jerri says she has no idea who might be grouchy. Mike and Tina call Jeff a troublemaker. Jeff calls himself a troublemaker. Sue says "femme fatale," but it sounds more like "faaaaah fahhhtale." I have to rewind it about six times before I can figure out that's what she is saying. She then says, "What the hell is that?" Gervase and Jeff think Jerri is a femme fatale. I think that's a compliment -- "femme fatale," to me, implies some sort of intellect, wit, and basic magnetism. Sue calls Richard a whiner. Gervase and Kimmi call Debb a whiner. Rodger and Jerri think Colby is a backstabber; Alicia thinks that attribute more accurately describes Tina. B.B. thinks Gervase is the backstabber; Mike thinks it's Jeff Varner. All of the Tagis -- Sean, Rudy, and Sue -- think of Kelly when they hear the word "backstabber." This is juxtaposed with Kelly saying that "everyone" is a backstabber, which is juxtaposed with a shot of all the Survivors standing around looking shifty. Hee. I'm realizing, as I recap this, that it doesn't translate so well on paper. And it wasn't that great on viewing to begin with.
Peachy tells us that understanding alliances is key to playing Survivor. Mike says it's possible to survive without any actual survival skills, as long as you have good friendships, but Kimmi doesn't think you have time to figure out who your friends are. Gervase tells us that he started looking for an alliance as soon as he got there, and since he and Joel had the same method of playing the game, they made a pact. He tells us he cried when Joel got voted off; but if I remember, those two got pretty catty when the allegations of chauvinism started flying. He says he was sad because he was the last guy on "Team Gervase." I wonder how Joel felt playing on "Team Gervase" as opposed to on "Team Joel." Mike says that the people with the best friendships or alliances make it to the end. He doesn't point out that friendship and alliances are -- and should be -- two entirely different things. Tina and Colby go on for the umpteenth time about how great it was that they were faithful to each other until the end. No one mentions how not-so-great it was that they backstabbed everyone else. This whole thing is so tired it has trouble staying awake. Sue tells us she made "one true alliance" on Pulau Tiga; we then see clips of her and Kelly acting sisterly. Sue reveals that on the fifth day Richard approached her with his "rhetoric" and said they should align because they were "both the biggest creeps on the island." If I'd thought about it way back then, I would have called him "Rhetoric Dick." In any case, he continues that if they're the last two left, the others will "have to pick between one of us idiots." Sue tells us she bullshitted Richard and then made her own pact with a snake. Alicia says that a friendship like the one Rodger and Elisabeth share is rare. Jeff says he thinks it was a genuine friendship. I'm wondering if he and Alicia had a falling out? In any case, we see the heart-shaped rock clip. Rodger tells us that Elisabeth reminded him of his daughter, and that they were best friends in the Outback, and they're best friends now. He came away from the game with a "friend for life," and he'd choose that over the money. Jeff says the friendship served Elisabeth and Rodger well, and that "the two good people came together and they were a power of one." I like the "the" part of that sentence, as in "they were the only two good people there."