Countdown To Africa

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Countdown or Smackdown?

Tina tells us that everyone wonders why Colby kept her instead of Keith in the final two. Mike thinks Colby's decision proved that the game was not about winning $1 million. But you can make friends at home, so why go, then? Jerri just thinks it was a "stupid thing to do." Tina says her friendship meant more to Colby than a million did, but she doesn't say how much Colby's friendship meant to her. Jeff Varner says when it comes down to the final two, the most respected person wins in the end. Tina says she thought the jury would feel the same way she did -- that Colby deserved to win. Tina is -- sunburns aside -- overexposed.

And finally, the last four of the new season: Lindsey Richter is a twenty-seven-year-old advertising account executive from Portland, Oregon. Looks like you have a damn good shot of making Survivor if you're twenty-seven, or a bartender. Lindsey toplessly rides her bike and growls at the camera. Forty-four-year-old Linda Spencer is a career counselor from Cambridge, Massachusetts. She stands in the snow, strips down to a bra, and insists that she "gets the game." She certainly does: it's all about the skin, people. Lex van den Berghe is thirty-eight and a marketing manager from Santa Cruz, California. He's a drummer with lots of piercings, and he's ready to dig for worms with his bare hands. And finally, we have cute Ethan Zohn, a twenty-seven-year-old professional soccer player from Lexington, Massachusetts. He's cute, but he thinks Tina was hot. Sketchy.

Peachy talks to Tina, who is no longer wearing the sparkly shirt. She must have blinded someone. I'm surprised they couldn't get Rich, the original media hog, back for this show. In any case, Tina says that she wouldn't do Survivor over again, which is easy to say now that she's already won. If she did do it again, she'd play differently, because the game evolves with every new group of competitors. Sean rhetorically asks, "Who would bet on the soccer mom?" Alicia says Tina stayed under the radar and "had the biggest balls out there." Jeff tells us that Tina played all nice but he didn't buy it: "Gimme a break. That's a smart woman, and she'll chop your head off in a second." He is B to the I to the T to the T to the E to the R. Bitter. Jerri says Tina was "everything to everyone -- mother, friend, source of support, competitor, manipulator." She does not say that Tina did what she did, said what she said, knew all the right people, and played all the right games. She also does not say, "Spin around and fall down. Do it again. You stumble and you fall. Yeah you do it again. Spin around and fall down. Do it again. I wonder if you'll ever learn."

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