Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B+ | 492 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Chicks, Hicks, Dicks, and Tricks

Talking Rudy Doll tells us, "When I was brought up, if a girl was pregnant and wasn't married, you'd never even know it. I mean they'd take her out of town or something, it was that bad, you know? The girl coulda had an abortion. I'll agree with an abortion, but not havin' kids out of wedlock." I'm not even touching that one, except to say there's been confusion in the forums regarding whether Talking Rudy Doll said, "I'll agree with an abortion," or "I don't agree with an abortion," but the five times I played it, I heard the former. In this confessional, he's Floating Talking Rudy Doll. Or maybe Disembodied Head Talking Rudy Doll. The survivors are huddled around the camp while Sue preaches to Gervase that having children is a huge responsibility. He has three -- you'd think he'd know. Actually, it's difficult to tell if Gervase is even in the same place as Sue is, but the film is edited to make us think she's talking directly to him.

Idiot Seanvant and Gervase strut down the beach and discover a pizza box with a clue inside. The clue is a poem, which is not so offensively bad as prior ones, but still not worth repeating except to say it mentions that "a phone call's been placed" and "steady feet." Sue proclaims that the challenge is "balancing crap." Rich thinks it might be walking on hot coals, which he's excited about because, as a minion of the devil, he's has some experience with warm-weather climates. Talking Rudy Doll proclaims, "A phone call's been placed. They called Pizza Hut. That's what that means," in case any two-year-olds or Idiot Seanvant needed an explanation. As the survivors walk toward the challenge, I deduce that the show ran over its sound-effects budget using all the creative island-themed music. Today, they've borrowed the background music from the low-budget instructional videos they show you on car safety and CPR in high school. Maybe the S7 will be forced to sit through a safe-sex video! We see a raised course in the water -- it's like a horizontal pyramid with thin bamboo poles stretching between legs. Peachy perches on the manageable part of the course and tells us it's a race; the winner will win a phone call home and "a slice of hot pizza delivered by helicopter." As the S7 get to him, Peachy says to Gervase, "Congratulations on your baby. That's great news," but it doesn't sound like it's great news, because we all know that to Peachy, great news is bad news. He re-explains the race to them, and adds that the course has three legs and that the fastest four will progress to the second round, and then the fastest two. He adds that "it's about speed and balance," in case they thought it was about logic and upper-arm strength. During Peachy's speech, Idiot Seanvant learns that when you clap your hands together, they make a noise.

Survivor

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