Survivor
Death Of An Alliance

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Here's Mud In Your Lies

Like all good sinners, Kelly runs back to Satan...er, "Richard," to tell him what happened with Sue. She's brushing her teeth all the while, trying to get the bitter taste of backstab wound out of her mouth. As she explains to Richard that she was trying not to let on that there was an alliance (he listens, patiently, aware that he will outlive all that he surveys, including the Earth above), we get a shot of Sue telling us why she was mad. It was because Kelly's talking to Colleen made Kelly look good and made the rest of the alliance look like bad guys. Because backstabbing, conniving baddies need to work on their PR more than most. Accompanying our chat with Sue is a completely unnecessary shot that I think may have made me sterile for life: she is shaving her inner thigh. Rich, please call up your old golfing buddy God and ask him to kill me. Kelly continues to try reasoning with Richard, who looks like he has absolutely no interest. He looks like he'd rather be brunching with Jesse Helms. Rich explains in a confessional that this is his opportunity to be nice and smooth things over rather than upset the applecart. Don't you mean offer the apple in the garden? Just a quick metaphor check there, Rich. He concludes, with understated glee, that their "tiff" plays to his advantage. As does everything.

Sue goes fishing. We catch her underwater as she uses the gear for some snorkeling. I have to say, without being able to hear her and through the murky filter of ocean water, she's almost tolerable in this setting. She reaches into a hole, and I am reminded of that creepy biting creature scene in Flash Gordon as she quickly pulls her hand away. As little painful tingling music plays, we learn that she was stung by a ray. It hurts. From her knuckle to the back of her hand. How bad does it hurt, Sue? "Baaaaaaad," she bleats. In another shot, we get a close up of her swollen, scratched-up hand. And even without the swelling, her dirty little secret has finally been revealed: Sue has Man Hands. More moaning about the stinging ray. Kelly says, "At least you get to eat the bastard." Survivor II producers: do not rule out cannibalism as a reward challenge. Personally, I'd rather eat a slice of Sonja thigh than those nasty beetle larvae.

A little water torture music plays (oh, sorry, Rudy) as we get a montage of everybody at rest, looking very bored. Rich talks about how he's having to keep a button on the emotional pulse of people in the group he cares little about, when what he really wants is to go back home and be cared for by the people he really loves. Why, there's little Smoky Imp. And Mama Mephistopheles. And John-Demon. And crazy Old Uncle Scratch. As he says this, we get a shot of Sue picking something out of her teeth and throwing it. Sean echoes Rich's sentiment, revealing that he's never been away from New York this long. He misses his family (wasn't Yachting With Dad last week good enough for you?) and he misses his favorite restaurant (edited to show a shot of Sean eating white rice out of a coconut). Sue misses talking to her husband on the phone. And I'm sure he misses it too, because I'll bet it was Sue's voice that attracted him to her so.

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Survivor

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