Desperate Measures

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Recipe for Dis-ass-ter

The editors of this episode apparently agree that we've seen enough poor displays of aspiring artistry in this episode, and spare us the pre-challenge poem clue. Instead, the S8 are suddenly walking up to a bunch of colorful beach mats, which my friend Miriam saw in a catalogue. The S8 settle into the chairs as Peachy welcomes them to the challenge. He points out that they probably all made assumptions going into the game, one of which was that they'd miss their loved ones. He enthusiastically crushes their hopes by saying that their loved ones aren't "anywhere on the island," but throws them a bone by revealing that they've been sent videos from home instead. Ted exclaims, "You lie!" and high-fives Ken, while Penny looks particularly toothy.

Jake's wife Jenny is first. She calls him "darling" and "sweety" while telling him she loves and misses him. When he looks up at the stars, she tells him, "You can see me, lookin' down." So clearly Jenny shares Clay's son's psychosis which causes them both to believe they can project their images and emotions onto inanimate cosmological objects. She tells Jake that although everyone loves him, she loves him with all her heart and soul. When the video's over, Peachy says, "Nice little reminder of what's at home, huh, Jake?" and Jake cries because she's "quite a woman," and also because one of his ankles has possibly just broken.

Brian is next, and we meet his son Logan and his possibly topless wife CC. CC tells Brian that Logan is antsy because they just got home, but she's been thinking of him and she loves him. Brian makes whistling mouth gestures at the television, and CC ends the film with a smooch toward the camera. Brian mumbles, "That was cool; that was cool," as the other members of the group look at him with slightly alarmed expressions.

Jan's three children -- Lisa, Keller, and William -- are next, and she's very weepy over them. Clearly, they bring back fond memories of Oscar/Oliver. Lisa says they're on campus and they made the video to say "hello" and let her know they miss her. Keller or William says he hopes she's doing well and he loves her. Not-Keller or Not-William doesn't get to say anything at all.

We see Clay's tape next, and when his daughter Shanda appears, he makes the standard Macaulay Culkin-in-Home Alone face and accompanying hand gestures. His helmet-haired wife Linda says she's rooting for him and she loves him. I guess his son was too busy channeling the moon to make an appearance on the tape. Helen and Jan congratulate Clay on the gorgeousness of his wife.

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