Dire Straits And Dead Weight

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Bye Bye, Billy

Becky and Yul crouch on the beach together at the edge of the water and have a chat about trusting each other. Yul tells us he thinks that since Becky is a lawyer who works with nonprofits, she probably isn't in the game just for the money and therefore might be less greedy and more trustworthy. I can see how you might reach that conclusion, and it might be true about Becky by coincidence, but it's totally wrong as a rule. Lawyers who work for cheap are not any nicer than the other ones. As Becky explains, they're also both Korean, so that forms a little bit of a bond between them as well. She says that to her, Yul is kind of like an older brother figure. They agree to stay together in the game.

And now, Raro, home of the clownishly boring white people. (I can say that, because it's in my heritage. My blood!) Candice, Adam, JessiFlicka and Parvati are preparing to welcome home Jonathan, King Of Sitcoms, who you will remember was sent to Exile Island last week. When he arrives, there is a group hug of enormous insincerity, not that this show really knows any other kind. Jonathan interviews that Exile Island sucked, but he was kind of surprised to come back and discover that his tribe had made no progress whatsoever since he left. He also reveals to us, as he does to his tribe, that he looked all over for the Idol, but he didn't find it. Things begin to get dicey when the tribe reveals that they still don't have a floor for the shelter, so they're still sleeping on the cold, wet ground. Jonathan is unimpressed. "I don't understand that," he interviews of their lack of activity. Headline of that scene: HOLLYWOOD ACTOR RETURNS; CAN'T BELIEVE LAZY PEOPLE'S LACK OF GUMPTION. That's got to hurt.

Next, we see Jonathan and JessiFlicka cutting more bamboo, presumably for the floor, as she says that she's "really excited about pimping out our palace." In an interview in which she has oversized wads of hair on the sides of her head, kind of like Princess Leia with a shrunken head, JessiFlicka says that she and Jonathan decided to pick up the pace a little. As for the rest of the group, Parvati, Adam, and Candice, Flicka says that they basically do nothing. She approaches Adam at one point and gently explains that what they're doing to build the floor is really "quite a bit of work," meaning that he might want to pitch in. He insists that the reason he's not helping is that it's "dumb." Believe it or not, Adam goes on to resist the idea that having a raised floor would be preferable to just sleeping on the ground. It is explained to him that the ground is wet and cold, because of the earth, and moisture, and thermometers. He gets all pissy, wondering how a raised platform would improve that situation. Well, dummy, then you're not sleeping on the ground. What is wrong with him? Did being on The Grind warp him permanently? Is he calling Eric Nies for advice? Adam calls for backup from Candice and Parvati, who are as indifferent as ever. Parvati does halfheartedly throw her vote behind the raised floor, but Adam spits, "It's crazy, I think." Seen the show, dumb-ass? You do not want to sleep on the ground! Nobody sleeps on the ground! Shit will bite you! He keeps saying that he doesn't want to "waste energy" just so something will "look good." You know, I feel the same way, and have decided to start sleeping on the sidewalk outside my apartment immediately. Why would I want to get a mattress and a pillow just to look good? That's superficial, man.

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