Dire Straits And Dead Weight

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Bye Bye, Billy

In an interview, Jonathan points out that Adam's problem is that he's hungry and grouchy, and he doesn't get that other people care about other things, like not sleeping on the ground. Maybe they should've told him he could gnaw on the floor. "I don't need him being like that," Jonathan says. I cannot stop being amazed that the actor is the voice of reason. "Now that my career has cooled," I envision him thinking, "I need to go on that Survivor. You know why? To get those kids working with some damn horse sense."

Back at camp, Candice cautions Adam against making Jonathan "the enemy." Adam says that he won't. Adam is a tool; you can just sense it. They should make him sleep on the ground if he's not going to lift a finger to build it. I almost never believe in that, but when you're actively sitting on your ass sabotaging work that others are attempting to do? You're kind of asking for it. To the ground! Maybe Candice should have told him floors get her hot.

We next pay a visit to Aitu the next day, Day 5. A crab nonchalantly makes its way across the beach, trying not to attract attention. Everyone is admiring the haul of fish on J.P.'s spear. (Not dirty!) But J.P. is looking over at Billy, who is lying down at the moment. Slow accordion music judges Billy as a bad and idle pirate. Arrr! Billy interviews that he's trying to "conserve [his] energy," both because he doesn't have that much to begin with, and because he thinks that other people know what they're doing better than he does, so he might as well let them do everything. "Since they know more about spearing fish and getting coconuts and whatnot, I just let them burn the energy, and I'll just go ahead and have some of whatever they catch." If you looked up strategy in The Big Book Of Alienating Your Tribe, you'd find that approach listed in the first chapter. (Chapter Two: "Peeing In Common Areas.")

As Aitu sits around later, Ozzy suggests that Billy get up and go clean off the net so that they can throw it at another chicken. Billy painfully hesitates, but he eventually drags his ass up and walks very slowly in the direction of the net. When Billy is gone, Ozzy tells the rest of the group that it's "difficult if everyone's not pulling their weight." In an interview, Ozzy complains about how "tiring" it is to have to tell people what to do. This is total crap, of course -- he loves telling people what to do. His favorite thing in the world is to tell people what to do. The world is his orchestra, and he is the conductor. We're all just brooms to you, Mickey. We are shown dramatic footage of everyone else working away at various tasks while Billy stands around. And then Ozzy dramatically chops something with the machete in frustration -- chop! That alone makes me want to continue watching the show! Think of the drama that chopping could lead to!

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