Double Tribal, Double Trouble

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Two, Two, Two Boots In One

This is the thing with work at camp in this situation -- you really can't sit around and be like, "I'd do work if somebody would just ask me." Because there are going to be other people who are going to look around, see what needs to be done, and do it. And if you aren't that person, then you're going to do less work. Because nobody likes to have to come and find you and tell you to please do your share. That's what's stupid about the way Mia starts to insist that if Twila weren't there, they'd still have fire, shelter, and food. "I would do it if it were that or dropping dead" is not a great defense to a request amounting to "pitch in, pumpkinhead."

Aaanyway, despite Mia's brilliant, Clarence Darrow-like verbal sparring, Twila comes right back and points out that the Y-ettes will work for five minutes, and then they'll go play in the water, and Mia knows it. "Don't give me no bullshit, bitch. 'Cause I will whip your butt." Hee. But Mia is uncowed: "It's your only card, keep playing it!" she yells. Um...good one? Yeah, not really. I pitied the woman who had one card, until I met the woman who had no cards. Mia interviews about how she and Twila had a big fight. Which we just saw, so...I'll just be over here filing my nails until you're done recapping what just happened. "I can't stand Twila. I want her out," Mia says. There's a little more swearing and fighting, and Mia's still mad, and Twila's still sharpening. Twila interviews: "Mia's mad, because she knows I was right." Well, of course. "Get off yo' ass and do somethin'," she says. "Quit sittin' on the beach and goin' swimmin' when everybody else is workin'." Mia gives Twila some more shit about how she won't be "fake" and pretend it's all okay, which I'm sure is really upsetting to Twila, who just wants everyone to get along and is really troubled that Mia is unhappy with her. No doubt. Twila finally tells us that she decided not to argue with Mia anymore. "I'll whoop the little scrawny bitch's ass, 'cause I don't care. I ain't here to make no friends." Wait, scrawny bitch ass-whooping? That would be my favorite episode of all time. I might have to crank the TiVo up to Best Quality.

Twila sharpens her machete. But she's really as sweet as pie.

Volcano! Eliza and Julie go for treemail on Day 7. Julie wants to know Eliza's situation, because Eliza is "sketchy" in the eyes of the rest of the Y-ettes. Eliza says that she never made any alliances with the O-ettes; she just switched over to save herself in that one vote. As they pick up the treemail, Eliza re-explains about voting for Dolly. As they head back to camp with the treemail, which is shaped like the side of a cage, they run into Lisa and Mia. Eliza gives them her word that she's still with them, and she and her awning-style bikini tell us in an interview that she...gave them her word that she was still with them. Presumably it was at that part we just saw, where she did that very thing. Mia tells the Y-ettes that she wants to get rid of Twila. "I can't staaaand that bitch anymore," she says. Then she gets in Eliza's face and points at her, all, "Eliza -- don't switch." Well, when she puts it that way, I'm sure it will work. No one can say no to a barked order and a finger in the face. That's what we did with the British when we wanted independence, you know. It was all barking and pointing. Mia tells the Bowheads not to worry: as long as the four of them are strong, they can make it happen and get rid of somebody else. As they walk, Lisa interviews that she's not so sure she trusts Eliza, but assures us that she has "a backup plan." Her chest is just really unsettling.

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