Double Tribal, Double Trouble

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Two, Two, Two Boots In One

Back at camp, the women all read the treemail, which features the usual suck-ass poetry. They're able to glean from the suck-ass poetry, however, something most disturbing: the challenge they're headed for is going to involve immunity, which tips them off that tribal council is coming a lot sooner than they thought. Leann tells us that they were just at tribal council last night, and they're not crazy about going again already. Eh, suck it up and vote. Nobody likes of person who talks about voting but refuses to actually do it. Don't be all Ben Affleck about it.

We swing over to the beach where the challenge is going to be held, and a red-hatted, dark-shaded Probst welcomes the men of Lopevi. The music announces their arrival just as if they weren't the latest and most watery cast of a show that ruined itself six months ago and shows no sign thus far of returning to life. "Look good," Jeff says. "Feel good, Jay-uff," Travis offers. Jeff calls the women in, and as they approach, the men try to figure out who took the boot. Sarge can't figure it out. "Who's gone there?" Probst offers Dolly's name, and J.P.'s like, "Dolly, the blonde." "Barbie's gone," Sarge offers. Shut up, Sarge. I'm not sure you're one to be embracing obnoxious stereotypes, unless you want me to run through how to make you from a recipe consisting entirely of characters from Beetle Bailey. And yes, one of them is the dog.

Probst takes back the Immunity Pole from Chad. (Chad's Immunity Pole is totally the name of my satirical Survivor dirty movie, no?) Probst reveals that this particular challenge will cover both reward and immunity. Lisa claps, because, yay, immunity! And yay, reward! And yay, boobs! Well, not the last one. I'm saying, unsettling. ["I call her Grapefruit Boobs." -- Wing Chun] Jeff tells them that both tribes will be voting out one member later today. Separate tribal councils, separate voting, and so forth. The first part of the challenge will be tribe-on-tribe, and it will be for reward. The tribe that wins will move on to an individual immunity challenge that will eventually grant one person immunity for tonight. In the other tribe, everybody will be vulnerable. This is really way too much procedural complexity to unload on people who spell each other's names wrong as often as these guys do.

The reward part of the challenge involves getting through three cage walls lined up in a row. To get through the first one, you untie planks until you can open a gate. To get through the second one, you'll throw grappling hooks on ropes, dragging back three keys from the other side of the wall, which you'll use to unlock a gate. For the third one, you'll untie a bunch of poles, and then climb through a hole. And now, to learn what they're playing for. It's a fishing kit, including a Hawaiian sling, which...just gives me hives looking at it, actually. I am having Pirate Loonybeard flashbacks. There's also line, and there are hooks, there's a's your basic Soporific Fishing Sequence In A Box. And, today, someone will eventually play for individual immunity in the second part of the challenge. I'm telling you, these people are already confused.

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