Last week on Survivor: The Barramundi camp washed away, and took Lamber along with it.
It's Day 34 at Barramundi. Rodger shuffles around camp with his hands in his pockets. As he attempts to clean up the mess left behind by the flood, he tells us that they don't know when it might rain again, and that the storm "took everything." Elisabeth tells Keith that she woke up so wet she thought she had gone to the bathroom in her sleep. I know there's a way for all the Elisabeth fans out there to find this commentary delightfully adorable, but it's too much information for me. They agree that being wet is draining. Colby tells us in an interview that, as the game nears its conclusion, he begins to think more about what's waiting for him at the end: food, family, and the ultimate reward -- pillows. Tina says she misses her family more than anything. She'd miss Dureet Toes more, but she's had some of those. In a cute voice, she explains that she's still "kind of a newlywed" because she's only been married for a year and a half. Her husband is her best friend and she misses picking up her son from school. Colby then tells us that Tina has reached "rock bottom." He says that Elisabeth's been a mess for a while and that "she's the one [they've] all tried to nurture"--but that he's never seen Tina in such a poor state. Elisabeth and Rodger sit and glumly speculate over whether they'll get a few dry days so that the water can recede. Elisabeth sweetly plucks something from Rodger's eyebrow -- an act, I think, of genuine affection -- and then tells us she's "really wrecked." Okay. So the S5 are really low. They miss their families. They need a pick-me-up. Wonder who -- I mean, what -- that'll be.
Last week I prematurely fêted the lack of clue poetry: it's an all-new masterpiece this week. Written on what looks like a long swipe of toilet paper, it's about a "loved one or mom" (suggesting that the two or mutually exclusive) and the agonizing "Survivor.com." ["Which is dumb, because the actual Survivor.com has nothing to do with the show. But I guess it's hard to rhyme CBS.com-slash-survivor." -- Wing Chun] Mark Burnett must employ greeting-card writers to dredge up this crap. Colby quickly figures out that they'll be competing against each other, with the help of their loved ones, online. The survivors are very excited to have some cyber contact with their relatives. Elisabeth starts wriggling around and squealing -- she does the Piggle Wiggle, which is a dance my dog does when she gets excited. In any case, it's a definite improvement on Richard's Hamster Dance from last season. She squeaks, "I can't even contain myself!" And really, she cannot. In an interview, and with very cute and professionally styled-looking hair, she tells us that her mother is her hero and that she got through cancer "like a trooper." She says she can do anything with her mother. I'm going to have to try the grass-for-ponytail-holders look.