Everyone's Hero

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
Smoothie Operators

Over at Drake, a pelican sits on the beach thinking about calling PETA as Trish and Michelle have a chat out in the water. They discuss a can of Spam they have back at camp, but Trish says they've decided not to open it until Rupert comes home. Boy, when they're holding the Spam for you, it sure is hard to stay away. In an interview, Trish says that Rupert is over with "the enemy," trying to "get to know them a little bit," and that she hopes he's not inadvertently giving away information about their tribe. Jon hypothesizes in a Drake bull session that Morgan is likely buttering up Rupert as they speak, and Sandra interviews that she just wants him to come back and tell them tales of the other tribe. It always seems to me that the teams greatly overestimate the importance of gaining "information" about each other. Rupert isn't likely to come back with anything any more useful than "That Osten sure can put away the beans." I mean, what are you going to find out from reconnaissance that you're not going to find out as soon as the merge happens? That so-and-so doesn't like such-and-such? There's plenty of time to learn that. I think that's why they never seem to discuss anything in particular that they want to know about the other tribe; there's really nothing to tell, not that this slows down the speculation.

Back over at Morgan, Rupert says that he's been thirsty and hungry ever since he arrived at their camp, so he's heading out to get some fish. Someone (Andrew or Osten; it's hard to tell) teases him that all the fish are out in the water waiting for him. He then gives a little spear-shooting lesson to the Morgan tribe, explaining that you zing the spear on its elastic band, but you don't actually throw it. Ryan-O and Rupert head off to go fishing. "Ryan-O...nice young kid," Rupert says in an interview. "Very willing to learn, wanting to be the provider, not knowing how to do the providing. Willing to learn on the spear, willing to go out with me...I'm very comfortable with him." Oh, and he gives that entire speech in the same voice you would use to talk about your favorite three-year-old and how he's staying dry almost every night now, so this is where Rupert starts to bug me again. I don't really like people who assume that it's their place to talk to and about other adults as if they're children. I mean, Ryan-O is thirty years old, and Rupert is thirty-nine. I'm not sure I'm buying the two of them as Ryan and Tatum O'Neal.

Rupert dives down and spears himself a fish. He brings it over to Ryan-O, who's left holding the bag, quite literally, because as they try to transfer the fish from the spear to the bag, it gives a wicked wriggle and manages to get away. Rupert yells (of course), but can do nothing, because he didn't hang onto it either. Of course, he says in an interview that Ryan-O lost it. It's interesting how everything Ryan-O does right is because he's so willing to be taught, but everything he does wrong he apparently did on his own. Fall down a little on teaching him how to transfer the fish to the bag without losing it, Hairy-Wan Kenobi? Anyway, when they return to the beach, Ryan-O chats with Tijuana, and although he mournfully (and, um, adorably) recounts the one that got away, Rupert soon shows up with several more that didn't. Andrew praises Rupert's "work ethic" in an interview. Wow, thanks for the approval, there, Andrew -- I'm sure Rupert is hanging on your every word. Andrew says Rupert's been "a godsend." When they make it to the shelter, Tijuana gives Rupert a big kiss for bringing them lunch. "Ah, thank you, baby," he says. See, that was cute, and it's so confusing. Sometimes, I like Rupert so much, and then other times, he is so full of himself that it drives me bonkers. I would even be willing to overlook the act of calling an adult woman he doesn't know very well "baby," even though in general, it's really not a good idea.

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