Survivor
Everyone's Hero

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Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Smoothie Operators

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, Ryan-O makes an adorable straggly scrapper.

The happy strumming theme returns as Drake welcomes Rupert back home. In a statement that could come off as accusatory but that I think is, in context, actually a compliment, Trish tells Jon that nobody knew how to steer, and that he "stepped up to the plate" and agreed to do it. On reflection, I think Trish is actually telling him it's okay. Oh, and Idiot Jon and Rupert are hugging, which is just another thing about Rupert I don't entirely trust. Rupert interviews that there was no question that he wanted to come "home" immediately, rather than enjoying the reward with Morgan. "I need to go bond with my tribe," he says. My theory about "bonding" is pretty much that you should only discuss it ironically, because almost nothing good has ever come of an active attempt to bond. Try it on someone you know: walk up to someone and say, "Would you like to go to dinner and bond?" I would argue that if the person doesn't either punch you in the arm or laugh in your face, he's not worth knowing. Anyway, back on the beach, Drake pumps Rupert for information that will be incredibly strategically valuable, like what Morgan eats for dinner. Rupert explains how bare-bones things are over at the Camp of the Semi-Damned, where they have very little food left. A couple of meals of rice and beans, he thinks, and that's it. He also rips Osten quite extravagantly: "Osten doesn't get in the water, doesn't go in the jungle, doesn't get water, doesn't grab firewood...." Jon wants to know if anyone at Morgan tried to recruit Rupert, and Rupert basically says no one bothered, knowing it would never work: "They know that a Drake is gonna win this whole damn thing." Apparently, Rupert has never watched this show, and is unaware that there is historically no correlation between being in the stronger tribe and being the ultimate winner. Zero. None. But hey, Rupert would never discuss actual Survivor strategy when he could...well, glorify himself. Anyway, a Drake group hug ensues. Whatever. I don't like them anymore, either. The fact that they're morphing into a corporate human resources department on a team-building retreat isn't helping.

Andrew approaches in the S.S. Booty-Looter. When he gets there, Rupert tells him that although he can take anything, Rupert is going to tell him what to take. And that's a good example of a moment when I find Rupert's arrogance to be overkill. Andrew interviews that Morgan has very, very little rice left, and then we hear him say, "So I'm going to take a bag of rice." Now, it's not clear how that statement was pieced together, and it's not clear that Andrew said that ahead of time, but it appears that he was certainly well aware going into the looting of how low on food his tribe was. I suspect he would have taken food anyway. What else is he going to take? They don't care about the lantern. They just won a new water pot. They don't care about the tarp anymore, because they don't want to rebuild the shelter. And they're almost out of food. So what's Andrew going to take, besides food? In other words, Rupert can play it up however he wants that he told Andrew what to take, but I thoroughly believe that food is exactly what Andrew would have taken anyway. And honestly, if you read Rupert the way I do, the best way to play him would be to play into his ego and allow him to condescend to you without objection, just as Andrew did. It seems just as likely that Andrew was being smart here (surprisingly enough) as it is that Rupert expertly manipulated him.

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