Family Values

Episode Report Card
Joanna: A+ | Grade It Now!
Neck and Neck

After Brian debriefs Ted, Helen wants to know whose side Brian's "getting." Brian claims it's "more denial." What he doesn't realize, however, is that Helen will run back to Grindia and repeat everything Brian said Ted said. On hearing the news, Grindia angrily laughs and begins brandishing a knife, which Helen tries to take from her. Grindia says, and I kid you not, "I wanna just punch his ass in the eye." And could there be any better lines in this episode? Helen further incites Grindia by saying, "I guess it was a figment of your imagination." As Grindia stomps off the beach, Helen says, "Ghandia, I wouldn't..." except Helen totally wants her to do whatever it is that she "wouldn't."

A pissed-off, ass-eye-punching Grindia voice-overs that when Helen told her Ted had said nothing happened despite the fact that "something did happen," it really set her off. But then again, puppies and popcorn and porcelain figurines probably set Grindia off, as well. She walks to the edge of the beach and lets out a primal scream, which causes all of the other tribe members to stop what they're doing -- wherever they are -- and exchange looks. It's like that typical sitcom moment when some overwrought character screams and the camera pans out to show the room, then the city, then the world while the scream echoes throughout. No one goes running to help, though, and Clay says, "It's just a crazy lady." Helen scratches her boobs and tries to look innocently surprised. Next, we see Grindia punching a tree's ass in the eye. Clay tells us in an interview that this was Grindia's most childish behavior yet. He says, "Ghandia's gonna go down the beach and cry and holler and carry on. My two-year-old did that one time and I whupped its ass and put it back in bed." Aside from the whole whupping thing, "its" ass? Now Grindia attempts to punch the ocean's ass in the eye by hurling rocks at in and yelling things like, "Cheat!" and "Liar!" and "Butt-crack showin' every damn day!" Meanwhile, the Red Berets continue to chop things, and Brian tells them not to bother trying to understand the camp's bullshit. The Red Berets ignore him. Grindia then tries to punch a piece of bamboo's ass in the eye, while calling it a "lying piece of shit." One of the Red Berets may be female -- the jury's still out on that one. Ted tells us that Grindia made a big issue out of a small issue that could have been handled in a "very professional, one-on-one manner, " which is an ironic word choice. Instead, he claims she has "exploded it" into an issue that goes beyond him and the game. She's gone all last-season Willow on the tribe.

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