Survivor

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Everybody's Crazy!

Sash thinks the three of them will be able to "dominate the game." Yeah, the problem with a minority alliance is that the word "minority" indicates that there are fewer of you than there are of others. In a game where you need the majority of people on your side to move forward, that might be an issue. NaOnka actually asks Sash what he thinks about Kelly B., and Sash calls her a "big threat." NaOnka says she's just waiting for Kelly B.'s leg to fall off in a challenge so she'll have a reason to vote her out. I almost want to see that happen just to hear NaOnka's voting confessional: "I'm voting for you because your leg fell off. Bitch." Like, that would possibly seal her fate as one of the most horrible people in reality show history. She then interviews that Kelly B. is a "charity case," because she "doesn't have 100% of the body." Oh my god, does NaOnka have any idea how she comes off? How can she ever go back to her job as a PE teacher? Surely she's going to encounter students with handicaps and now they all know how she really feels about them. Hell, how can NaOnka ever go out in public, now that we all know what a shitty person she is? I almost want to have my leg amputated just so I can get a prosthetic and beat NaOnka over the head with it.

Jill helps herself to a snack of snails. Holly watches and interviews that she wasn't sure if snails were okay to eat, and once she saw Jill's eyes supposedly rolling to the back of her head, she decided that she was on House instead of Survivor and that the snails were, in fact, poisonous. Meanwhile, the editors are sure to include a shot of Jill looking perfectly sane and clearly not under the influence of any fictitious snail poisoning. Jill kindly (or is friendliness just a symptom of snail poisoning???) offers Holly some snails, and that's when Holly realizes that the snails must be some sort of parasite that takes over the human brain and tries to trick other humans into eating snails and thus becoming new host bodies for the alien snail parasite takeover of the world. She refuses to eat them. Jill rolls her eyes, and that's the final straw for Holly. For the good of the tribe, she grabs the pot of snails and walks away, saying "if you honestly think that you can eat these things, you guys are stupid." "Are you losin' it? Are you having a meltdown?" asks Jimmy T., although that might just be his mouth doing the bidding of the snail parasite that has taken over his brain. He interviews that Holly seems like a "very nice person," but that's she's "off the deep end." I will remind you that Jimmy T. doesn't exactly seem like the paragon of mental stability himself. So if he's wondering about Holly's sanity, then she must be absolutely batshit. Jill also interviews that Holly's "mental state is not that good." Awesomely, Jill is an ER doctor, and so probably knows more about the safety of eating snails than Holly, the swim coach from South Dakota.

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Survivor

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