Fight For Your Life Or Eat

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
Don't Do Anything Rash

Terry recommends to his team that they send Aras to Exile Island, because he'll "eat anything." So he's sending the biggest threat off to Exile Island to gather intelligence about the idol. I just do not get Terry's strategy, like, at all. The boat comes and fetches Aras, who's going into exile just like he wanted. Shane, Cirie, and Chiclets head back to camp. The four winning members go off to watch their videos and eat, though we don't see any of it. I bet everybody watched the videos and was like, "Oh, that was nice." Because if anybody had gone on an additional crying jag, we'd have seen it.

When we return, it is still Day 22 at Gitanos. As the three losers return to camp, Shane tries to tell them that the tapes wouldn't have been that great, and that losing the sandwiches and milk is nothing to feel bad about. Cirie interviews that Shane was just doing this to make everyone feel better, because they were really bummed about not getting to see the videos. And then, Shane announces, "I have an issue with my penis." No, he does. Cirie makes a face. Shane tells Cirie that he needs her to look at it, because she's a nurse. She looks like she's never regretted her career choice so much in her life. "I don't wanna look at it," she protests. She asks whether Shane can just explain what the problem is. He tells her no, she needs to look at it. "I can't even touch it," he says. "It hurts." I think it hurts us all at this point, dear. In an interview, Cirie says, "Shane has this funky thing going on with his, uh...testicles." She then says that, "lucky [her]," Shane wanted her to look. And then we cut back to her, just in time to see her pause, then clap her hands like a little kid and say, "Yaaaay!" I dated a guy who used to do that in precisely that sarcastic way, and it cracked me up fiercely every time, because I am nothing if not the world's cheapest date. It's easily the funniest thing about this entire very funny sequence.

Shane has everything pulled down as Cirie approaches him kind of gingerly. He makes her promise not to laugh, which is the part where I think she showed the most restraint, not that she's really going to deliver on that promise. Cirie has to get kind of close, as she asks him what exactly he's worried about. Shane points out to her a certain amount of redness, which she quickly dismisses as chafing that results -- similar to diaper rash on a baby -- from being damp all the time. And as she walks away, she doubles over with laughter, all as the interview plays in which she claims she was trying to be as "professional" as possible. She tells Shane that the only solution is to get dried out, so now he's walking around naked. Ultimately, he pulls his shirt on like a skirt, so that the neck is the waistband, in order to allow air to circulate. Cirie voices over that he's "like a cartoon character." That certainly seems like the most benign explanation possible. She does say the incident took her mind off of the videos she was missing, as Shane tells Cirie and Chiclets that this is now his "chafing skirt." An owl looks on disapprovingly. I feel you, owl.

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