MONDO EXTRAS

HEY! Islands. Maybe this has something to do with the show, and not just clips lifted from the Travel Channel. For a precious few seconds, we see what may actually be the location of the show on some mysterious lake or something, and then...a tiger. God knows you can't show anything about China without a tiger. Fuck the tiger, man. And fuck the panda he rode in on, who is seen after him, and the snow leopard after that. I have nothing bad to say about the monk ringing the giant bell, except that he has nothing to do with the show. And then there are shots of groups people doing various things -- rowing a dragon boat, dancing, and battling with sticks, and none of this has jack to do with the show, unless they have decided to cast Survivor: China entirely with Chinese people. We get another couple of shots of actual deserted settings, but then it's back to a totally irrelevant shot of guys with swords, whipping their swords in unison. Okay, seriously? What do martial arts and a city in China have to do with Survivor? It's like an entire preview that answers the question, "But what will the show be near?" "Well, it'll be near this! And this! And this! The show is being filmed near all kinds of exciting things!" NOBODY CARES. God. They'll never learn. They should make me the official No Lady of this show. All I would do all day is say, "...No." And things would immediately improve. STARTING WITH TOURIST SHOTS OF CHINA. God.

Jeff tells us that Earl will get his big check on The Early Show, and you can buy things at auction on eBay and blah, and if you want to be "helped" by bullies, you can apply to go on the show, and Jeff will give you a wedgie, maybe.

Oh, and Earl announces that half the money is going to his mother. Just so you know.

Thanks for the season, and thanks for your readership and good humor. Props to the entire TWoP staff, which rocks, and especially Wing and Joe R for fixing my typos. I hope to see you all in China.