Flames And Endurance

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sandra Can Get Loud, Too

Sandra -- obviously tipped off by some helpful member of Elves and Sprites Local 516 in the employ of Mark Burnett Productions -- goes in the middle of the night to pick up seamail. Back at the shelter, she fills Jon and Lill in on it. The bad poem of the day says that they have to go over to Shipwreck Bay and be there by sunrise. None of them is thrilled that they have to get up and go that early. Sandra describes the immunity challenge as "very important." Smart lady.

The next morning, in the rain, the castaways make their way up onto the beach, where Jeff is waiting for them. He welcomes them and talks about how they've been living in Pirate World for a month now, so that won't be ending until the very life has been choked out of this theme forever and you never want to see another pirate, even if he looks like Johnny Depp. Or words to that effect. He says that the final three will be giving tribute -- whether they want to or not, which is the most heartfelt kind of tribute, after all -- to their former tribemates. They'll put torches representing their "fallen comrades" around a shipwreck set, and then they'll say a few words of mourning. Because all the ex-contestants are dead now, as you know. And then, they'll set the ship on fire by shooting it with flare guns. Osten will not be remembered, however, because he's worse than dead -- he's a quitter. ["It was at this point that I went downstairs to Starbucks to get a nanaimo bar, trusting that I would be missing nothing." -- Wing Chun]

Lill salutes Nicole's "wonderful spirit." "Rockin' body," Jon says. Same problem; trying too hard, as usual. Lill speaks warmly of Ryan S. Aw, "DIE JERKS." Sniffle! It is absolutely pouring rain, by the way, so none of the torches is lit. They're just sticks, pretty much. Sandra says, yearbook-style, that she regrets that she and Michelle didn't get to know each other better. Jon calls Trish "the best sleeping partner." Sandra pretends she didn't hate Shawn's guts, satisfying the course requirements by saying that he "loved to eat." Wow, what a tribute. Don't hurt yourself, there, Sandra. Lill pretends she didn't hate Andrew's guts, saluting him for trying to make sure everyone was fair. Apparently, she's talking about a different Andrew than the one she thinks is a treacherous prick. Sandra gives a pretty funny and warm comment about Ryan-O, suggesting that she liked him, and that she was kind of surprised to find that when he was gone, she missed him. Heh. Jon says nice things about Rupert, and Sandra says she'd be "damn starving" without him. True! I've said it before and I'll say it again: they all totally would have died. Lill thanks Tijuana for telling Lill she loved her. Well, that's nice. Sandra says she misses Christa most of all, which is appropriate, given that Christa does have a somewhat Scarecrow-esque appearance, now that I think about it. Jon says that Burton was his best friend. "Unbelievable." Lill calls him "my Eagle Scout," and when she says "my," she means "the one I crushed like a bug." Jon says, "D, you were as nice as you were cute." Pfft. That was a sucky tribute. The editors show Darrah taking a shower...hey, thanks, pigs. The show throws in an Osten moment, even though there is no tribute to him. We see his torch lying at the tribal council fire pit -- where it allegedly remains, I guess, and will remain until it is eaten by wild pigs -- and then we see him standing by the water looking majestic. And then we see him almost drown. And then we see him snuffed. And then we see the laying down of his torch...again. You know, I'm beginning to think somebody associated with this show doesn't like Osten.

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