Survivor
For Cod’s Sake!

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Wine, Women, And Intestinal Problems
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Have you ever noticed that in the "Tonight" clip they do to tease this show, they show Probst coming out of the water all wet-haired, as if he occasionally does something besides stand on the beach in his shorts and his nifty hat and say overdramatic things that are only partially true? It's like...dudes, the last time he let his hair get that wet, it was from overzealously bobbing for apples.

Previously on Poop And Circumstance: Terry went to Exile Island and found the immunity idol, which he was able to keep to himself after his tribe decided that the last thing you want to do on Survivor is be a buttinsky about other people's plans. President Beefcake didn't understand why you would use a perfectly good bathroom to store wood, and he didn't mean anything gross by that. Chiclets thought it was very tacky of him to continue processing food through his intestines instead of being a gentleman and expelling pellets out of a sterile flap in his ankle. La Mina lost another challenge, proving that they well and truly suck, despite the fact that they seemed early on to have the man strength while Casaya has...Shane. Very Pale Dan had invited Ruth Marie into his alliance as the Smurfette, but Handy, Hefty, and Brainy all thought it would be better to bring Sally to the upcoming immunity challenges, which La Mina needed to win in order to avoid being pitifully Pagonged/Yaxhaminated. Thus, Ruth Marie took her pink tank top with its convenient carrying handle and headed home. The total number of ovaries on the show continued its precipitous drop.

It is Day 12 at La Mina. Things are not good, in the sense that everyone looks approximately 49% dead (plus or minus 2%) as a result of the lack of food. But things are good for Sally, who announces to the men who remain with her in her tribe that she's feeling proud to be the "last girl standing" in the group. And she's even standing, you know, literally! Her teeth also look unrealistically clean and white for someone who has been without toothpaste for two weeks. Dan looks over at Sally with the kind of white-hot rage that only a guy without pigment can muster. He interviews that he was disappointed by the tribe's decision to keep Sally and send Ruth Marie home. I get the feeling that Dan really hates change, like he's the guy who can't stand it when they change the pop machine in the office from Coke to Pepsi products: "I'm not sure everybody's comfortable with the switch! We should maybe have a staff meeting." He tells us that Terry, Nick, and Austin just felt that Ruth Marie wasn't going to be able to keep up in challenges.

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Survivor

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