For Cod's Sake!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Wine, Women, And Intestinal Problems

"I'm the youngest person on this tribe, and sometimes I feel like I'm the oldest one," Aras laments in an interview. I search myself for an intense hatred of old people, and when I can't find one, I am forced to conclude that Aras is full of it. I have never been as sure about anyone as I am about Aras that while this was being filmed, he was fantasizing about how everyone would watch the show and say he was a saint for putting up with the idiots on his tribe, what with his own overwhelming awesomeness. He goes on to bitch that he needs a break and so forth, and for a minute, I really think he's going to say, "I could really use a Zen rock garden right about now," or that someone else is going to make that suggestion, which would have been just great. Instead, he declares that he wants to be sent to Exile Island, sort of. Is there something more private than Exile Island? Say, without cameras? Because I'm about ready for him to be sent someplace like that.

The tribes converge on a challenge beach. Casaya sees that Ruth Marie was voted off, and all the women realize just how badly outnumbered they're going to be if they manage to get as far as a merge. Jeff explains that the challenge today requires them to transport rice, beans, and fish from a boat to the shore. One person, the "retriever," will run out into the water, where there's a boat floating for each team. That person will get each item out of the boat, and the team will bring it up the beach by tossing it from person to person. You have to really make the tosses, too, because people have to stay on their spots. First you get rice, then you get beans, then you start bringing fish. When the fish come up, the person at the end of the line has to chop off each fish's head and tail before throwing the fish into a crate. If you make a throw and the other person drops it, you have to go and get it and bring it back to your spot, where you'll throw it again. Also, you're allowed to swap people around to different positions. First tribe to finish all the stuff wins reward. The winning tribe gets the rice, the beans, all the fish, and some spices, wine, and cooking oil. The losers will get to choose between their rice and their beans, because these people are starving, and if people start dying, it will throw off the number of episodes in the season. And also, the losing team gets somebody sent to Exile Island. Asked who's sitting out, Aras announces, "It's going to be the two young girls," meaning Courtney and Chiclets. I wouldn't expect him to see it any other way, even though Chiclets is the same age Aras is and Courtney is seven years older. He needed to spend a little less time in college studying Philosophy and a little more time getting beaten with Eleanor Roosevelt biographies and high-heeled sandals.

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