For Cod's Sake!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Wine, Women, And Intestinal Problems

Casaya, Night 12. It is still raining, and a number of the tribe members are in the shelter. Bruce and President Beefcake, however, are holed up in the outhouse. ("Holed up." Get it?) And they are drinking a bottle of the wine. Beefcake reveals rather drunkenly that he wasn't sure they should drink the wine, but then he realized that he and Bruce had their places taken in the shelter ["which I don't get. Doesn't the shelter have room for everyone to sleep in it? Didn't they build it to accommodate everyone? What?" -- Wing Chun], so he thought they'd just hang in the bathroom and booze. Beefcake also reveals to Bruce that he "can't bond with everybody." He adds that if they make it to a merge, he's immediately going to defect to wherever he possibly can. Anybody but the idiots who are on his tribe, is the idea. At this point, Bruce and President Beefcake reach a drunken, rather pointless alliance in which they promise never to vote against each other. Man, this tribe is boring. Even with wine, they'd be about as much fun as a dental fistula.

The next morning at Casaya, Courtney is thinking about cleaning up. She's also wondering what happened to Bruce and P. Beefcake, who seem to have slept in Casa Charmin. Cirie mentions to Courtney that the bottle of wine seems to be gone, and Courtney says, "If they did that, then that is so wrong."

Behold the scorpion, how he represents my astrological sign.

The entire supply of tuba music available at the Burnett production facilities gets a workout as Cirie opens the door of the outhouse, where Bruce is still half-asleep. He comments that there was no room left for him in the shelter. Cirie laughs in an interview about the way Bruce was folded in half in the bathroom. She also spots the empty wine bottle. She comments that she would have to be dead and have the wine poured down her throat for her to drink the wine in that situation. Courtney quizzes P. Beefcake about where he and Bruce slept, and he says they crashed in the potty. She also asks about the bottle of wine, and he says, "I drank it." Not "we drank it," you'll notice. She wants to know if it was both of them or just him, and P. Beefcake continues to take it on himself, saying that he shared the wine with Bruce, but that he's the one who took it. Courtney asks him how he feels about having drunk the wine. "I feel swell about it," P. Beefcake tells her. Courtney essentially has no idea what to say to this, which is pretty funny. She interviews that there was room in the shelter, no matter what he says. She has one of those voices where she drags out the last vowel of everything, often doesn't add the end consonant, and raises everything into a question at the end. So she says, "It was really bad judgmeeeeeh? Of Bobbyyyyy? To open the bottle of wiiiii? And drink it." She claims that all the members of Casaya worked hard for the wine. She also says that nobody trusts the Beefcake anymore. As opposed to the trustworthiness of people like, say, Shane. She complains some more to P. Beefcake about his drinking the wine, until he gets so irritated that he tells her right out that he doesn't feel bad about taking her wine -- maybe everyone else's, but not Courtney's. Heh. Cirie? Oh, she's amused. P. Beefcake interviews that Courtney was right about the fact that he shouldn't have had the wine, but that he didn't care: "She's probably one of the two or three most annoying people, probably in the history of the world." I love that line, because it's so plain and so powerful. Why embellish, you know? That's only going to make it take you, like, eleven pages to describe an hour of television. They bicker.

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