Survivor
Girl Power

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Everybody in a Lather

Previously on Bly v. Faludi: the women of Jaburu went six days without putting a roof over their heads, because they were busy boiling their underwear. The men of Tambaqui went six days without the firing of a single synapse for any remotely interesting purpose, because they were busy thinking about the underwear of the women of Jaburu. Of course, they didn't know it was boiling, or they might have found it kind of scary. ("The hot underpants will get me!") Christy clashed with her slack-ass tribe over their failure to get any work done, and Joanna was a holy terror. Roger was your grandfather -- no, not the one you like. The other one. Daniel was ten pounds of stupid in a five-pound bag. And the bag was leaking, spewing stupid everywhere. When the chicks lost immunity, they gave Janet the opening boot over unsubstantiated allegations of food smuggling and the far more serious sin of failing to be under the age of twenty-five. Still, after a total of three challenges, Jaburu had a 2-1 lead, which came as quite a surprise to the boys, who apparently expected that every challenge would revolve around peeing for distance.

Peachy: "Who will be voted out...tonight?" Man, Peachy certainly is borrowing heavily from other, far superior reality hosts I know. Next he'll be wearing the spiky hair and picking up the accent. Don't attempt the eyebrow-pop, Peachy. You're out of your depth. You could tear something.

Credits. You know, it occurs to me that the theme for this show sounds exactly the way the yodeling music from the Mountain Climber game on The Price Is Right would sound if you played it at half-speed. "Ohhhh-dee-ohhhhh-dee...."

And now, lightning crackles over the dusky Amazon as our intrepid cameramen grab a few scenic shots, or possibly our intrepid editors splice in some footage of a water hazard at an extravagant Beverly Hills golf course. Rain plunks on the river's surface in a picturesque manner. "Plunk, plunk, plunk," it whispers seductively. An initially unidentified hand dramatically carves a hash mark for the seventh day into the trunk of a tree at the Tambaqui camp. I'm betting there's a tree somewhere else where they mark off how tall they are. The hand turns out to belong to Rob, who explains that God rested on the seventh day, but they're not resting, because they're not God. Very good, Rain (Forest) Man. He returns to camp to continue working with the rest of the tender and callow fellows on rebuilding the roof of their shelter, which took a beating in last night's rainstorm. They add some fronds to perk it up, and then Alex ties a knot around one of the roof beams in what he surely hopes is an aggressively studly manner. Rob interviews that he "can't imagine that the girls have a shelter that is comparable" to the one at Camp Tambaqui. He allows as how it might be more comfortable, but it's undoubtedly not as sturdy. Apparently, Rob suspects that the girls have sewn lace curtains and installed wall-to-wall pink carpeting in their shelter, sort of like the Brady Bunch episode with the separate clubhouses in the back yard. He says the guys wanted to build "something big to look at," because they're "the men" and "that's what [they] do." Hey, I'm starting to understand why Heidi got those implants.

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Survivor

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