A Million Dollars' Worth Of Lip Venom
Anyway, Jeff points out that this is Gary's nightmare -- being recognized by someone -- and he confirms that he didn't expect anyone to recognize him. But he had gone in with a plan for an alias anyway, as he confirms. Jeff asks if the NFL guys have been in touch, and Gary says they just want to know what the hell he was doing on Survivor. Jeff then asks Amy what she did when she found out about Gary, and she playfully relives her "beat him down" moment, but says it's all okay now, this resolution of the least scandalous scandal of all time. She does point out that she knows where he lives, which I assume is her way of correcting his impression that she might look for him forever. Jeff then asks Amy to remind us of what she does, and she says that she is indeed a detective in the major crimes unit, and she says that whenever she goes out to pick up bad guys, they always recognize her from Survivor. She likes her joke here a little more than it deserves, which is always sad -- you know they spend the entire season thinking up the one thing they can say at the reunion, and then...this happens. But Jeff also compliments her on how great she looks, which is Hollywood for "you are not as fat as you used to be." He asks Judd how much he lost along the way, and Judd says forty-five pounds. He's still just as gross as ever.
And now we move on to the increasingly strange Cindy, who Jeff reports enjoyed Guatemala so much that she wishes she still had to sleep in the jungle. Cindy and her giant lip gloss monsters tell us that, indeed, when she tries to go to sleep, she closes her eyes and goes back in time to the days in the jungle. Jeff gently points out that this is krazy kookoopants, for the most part, and she responds that this is of course all okay, because it's the real her. I'm telling you, authenticity is the new Fifth Amendment. She claims to have left part of herself behind in the jungles of Guatemala (I think it was the part of her brain that covered perspective and makeup application), and she tells us that when she was voted off, she felt like she was leaving home and she would never get to come back. Jeff mentions here that Cindy lost her job when she came to her first meeting with the show. She says that this is true. My favorite part is when she says this: "The two things people know about me within the first five minutes of meeting me was, she wants to be on Survivor, and she loves her job at the zoo." That is, like, taken directly from my book called People I Wouldn't Talk To For More Than Five Minutes. Because once I learned those two things, I'd be all, "I think I see someone I know," and then I'd leave. Anyway, Cindy says that the zoo was her other home, and now she doesn't have the zoo and she lost on Survivor and pretty much has nothing, and this is all mashed up inside my brain with baby animals and Butterstick and dolphins and now it's really, really sad. But she has a car! Well, she has a Pontiac Torrent.