Survivor
Hell Hath Frozen Over

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We don't even get the night vision post-Tribal Council footage; maybe they all just awkwardly went to sleep. Anyway, the next morning, Skupin checks in with Abi who's all pouty and says that they were "brutal" to her and "it wasn't cute." She clearly has never heard much negative feedback in her life. I mean, even if she's completely different off the island, she's a human being and she has flaws and she has to have heard some criticism prior to this, right? That was relatively mild and, frankly, deserved.

Denise interviews that Abi is still being negative and grouchy about everything. Penner and Denise go to get wood and talk shit about Abi. Penner nails her attitude with "furious, defensive, bitter." Denise interviews that she has a solid Final Four, so Abi's going next. Unless she somehow miraculously wins immunity (come on, that could never happen! Why would they even mention it in the opening of the show?), and then they'll probably ditch Penner. I get that Penner is a good social/emotional player, but he's no immunity threat. I don't get why Carter's name hasn't even come up, since he's shown himself to be pretty decent at challenges, especially physical ones. Interesting.

Abi and Malcolm go to get treemail and they find little pouches with each player's name on them. Abi assumes that these are letters from home and she starts crying. Malcolm doesn't think they are letters, but then notices Abi's tears and says, "Come on, darling." Ugh, I hate that he kind of melted me with that "darling." Anyway, Malcolm hugs her and expresses empathy for her condition. I don't know how much of this is genuine and how much is currying jury votes. I'm going to guess that it's 25% genuine/75% jury. Abi cries that Denise was so meeeeeeean to her and it was the worst day of her life. Look, if the worst day of your life is when someone you don't give a shit about tells you that they don't like you and want to spend time with you? Your life ain't so bad.

Malcolm and Abi return with the pouches. Penner immediately nails it as being for the food auction. Abi reads the clue, which confirms Penner's suspicion. Abi interviews that she's unliked and she needs to keep playing the game, so she's going to hold onto her money and save it for an opportunity to get ahead. So that was her plan all along; I somehow missed that on the first viewing.

The contestants head over to the auction, which is the same as every season. They sit on bleachers and they each have $500. Bidding is in $20 increments and they can't share food or money. Aw, I like it when they can share money. I think that creates insight into tribal dynamics. The first item is pancakes, butter, bacon, maple syrup and orange juice. Here's the thing: there is a giant hunk of butter sitting on top, not melting, so those pancakes are ice cold. I get that the contestants don't care, but at least try to make it look appetizing, huh? Cold pancakes are bullshit. Denise bids $200 to start, Malcolm ups it, and Denise jumps to $500. She really loves cold pancakes. Also, there is ice in the orange juice, which is disgusting.

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Survivor

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