Survivor
He's a Ball of Goo!

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Goo Goo Gotchoo

For the game point, Chet and Joel will be chasing Eliza and Parvati. The chase begins, and the girls do a good job of staying away from Joel and Chet. But then Joel dives over a branch and just misses their flag. They run away, and Chet, his rope suddenly tugged by Joel's dive, goes FLYING over a branch. Ouch. That looked painful. And not funny-painful like Jason. Joel just keeps running, and Chet tries to get up, but since his teammate won't give him one freaking second to do that, he keeps slipping. Joel just drags him all over the course and pounds his fists in rage (no, really. He really did this) that Chet won't, like, be dragged faster. At one point Joel pulls Chet's head into a branch. Chet's dazed, so Joel grabs the rope and keeps dragging him around. It's just brutal. I really didn't hate Joel before -- I thought he was an arrogant loudmouth lunkhead who couldn't back up the game he talked, but I didn't HATE him -- but now I do. He's a freaking bully and a nasty piece of work. What if he had been paired up with a woman? Would he have dragged her around like that, too? I bet he would. And a baby. And a puppy! Chet is finally able to get to his feet, but it's too late -- Eliza and Parvati keep their flags intact and Airai wins the challenge. They're thrilled. Malakal, of course, is not, especially Ami, who might have given up her knee for this challenge. And then there's this pathetic exchange between Joel and Chet: "I hit my head back there." "I don't care." "I know." Can you guess who said what? Anyway, Eliza gets hugs from James, who just last week thought she was useless and should have been voted out. Now she helped him get steak, so, HA!

Malakal returns, empty-handed, to their camp, and the "Favorites" show the "Fans" around. Chet's concussion probably means he's seeing six chickens instead of three, so he's doubly thrilled. Joel tells Cirie that he's still "decompressing" from losing the challenge, and that losing is "where [his] temper gets to [him]." Yeah, no shit, Ensherlock Man. Although most people learn to control themselves by the time they've developed male pattern baldness. "Maybe this is poetic justice in some form," Joel tells us; "because I chose to get rid of Mikey versus Chet." Ha! You didn't choose anything -- Tracy chose for you. And you still don't know it.

The "Fans" love Malakal's cave, with Erik astutely noting that it's "all dry here...it's ridiculously dry here!" I wonder if he looks at his ice cream sometimes and remarks about how cold it is. Ridiculously cold! Then Erik kind of endears himself to me by dorking out and telling us that he's thrilled to be on this new tribe with the "Favorites." "I got to meet Ozzy today!" he squees. At least he, unlike Jason, is an actual fan of the show. The rest of the "Fans" ooh and aah over Malakal's camp compared to their pathetic former home. Ozzy tries to make everyone feel better by saying that while it sucks to lose the challenge, they definitely have the better beach. He does not add that it also has an immunity idol, although I don't know why not. He seems to think telling people about his idol is an awesome idea. Ozzy tells us that they have everything they need to be a strong tribe -- maybe even too much. Like Chet, who Ozzy thinks "gave up" during the challenge and was "like a sack of potatoes." I don't agree with this, but I wasn't there and Ozzy was, so who knows? "He needs to go," Ozzy says. Meanwhile, Chet is with the chickens. He tells us that he's had chickens his whole life and he knows all there is to know about them. Except, apparently, how to make them lay eggs already. Because they haven't. Chet says chickens have a literal pecking order, and will peck the weakest one until it dies. He thinks this game is very similar. Not exactly -- sometimes, in this game, the chickens keep the weakest one around until the end of the game because they know they can win the million dollar prize against him. Sometimes all the weak chickens get together and gain up on the chicken that thinks it's the awesomest and kick its ass out of the game before it can even get to the jury. By the way, I love how Chet's graphic calls him a "pageant coach" when that's just a hobby of his and his real, actual job, according to his bio on the site, says he does something with pharmaceuticals.

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