Survivor
He's a Ball of Goo!

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Goo Goo Gotchoo
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

So I thought my substitute recapping was over, but then Miss Alli threw down her recap immunity idol, leaving me with no choice but to do this week's as well. I actually tried to throw down my recap immunity idol first, but it turns out it was a fake one that Miss Alli created and planted when she found the real one on TWoP Exile Island. You guys, it was really embarrassing. I mean, the fake idol didn't look that good but I just figured that was because Wing Chun was really bad at carving or something. I guess I should have known.

Anyway! The "Fans" return to camp, where Jason sulks around the fire and tells us he thought his tribe would make the "right" decision, but they didn't. I think they did. Mikey was annoying. Then again, I'm not starving and I don't need Mikey's physical strength to help me win food reward challenges. Also, I brush my hair. So Jason and I are very different. It soon becomes morning, and Jason is still at the campfire, seemingly glaring at Chet. Jason tells us they'll probably just keep on losing now. Yes, unlike when they had Mikey on their team and they won all the time. Except...they didn't. "The tribe I'm in is not the tribe I want to be in," Jason sighs. Well, I'm sure there's nothing he can do about that. Meanwhile, Chet and Tracy take a victory stroll. Emboldened with a little too much confidence, Chet mutters that he wants Jason out next. "I can't wait to see him go. Sorry, dude," says the guy who just the night before was being all Negative Nancy and saying he thought he was going home and didn't do a whole lot to change that.

Hey! When did the show start removing eliminated contestants from the opening credits? That is harsh!

Over at the "Fans" tribe, it's Day 12 for the contestants and Day Zero for Charlie the Rooster. "Everybody's all excited to eat Charlie the Chicken," Cirie tells us from behind a bunch of leaves. They couldn't have removed that bush from the shot? It's taking up more of the frame than Cirie is! Cirie, of course, won't be participating in the chicken slaughter. She thinks it's gross and even though she works in surgery, "I don't want to see a dead bloody chicken flapping everywhere." Well, I'm going to assume the kind of surgery she does does not involve decapitating patients, but who knows? They just said she was a nurse; they didn't say she was a good nurse. James and Ami put Charlie on a stump and then Ozzy does the dirty work, which we don't get to see because PETA would shed some really loud protest tears about it. Not like I want to see a dead chicken anyway. Unless it's fried and ON MY PLATE! Oh!!! We cut to Eliza and then the rest of the tribe reacting with some PETA-pleasing "poor Charlie's" while their mouths water.

Ozzy takes advantage of the excitement to hide his immunity idol in some rocks. Then he scampers off, congratulating himself on an idol well-hidden. Man, I don't know. Why can't he just keep it in his bag? Or is he afraid someone would go through his stuff and steal it? Are they even allowed to do that? If they find it in his hiding place, can they then steal it for themselves? I'm not up to speed on the idol-possession laws here. Ozzy says he won't show anyone the idol, but he will tell a select few about it. First up is James, and the two exchange manly celebratory back slaps. Then he goes to Parvati and Amanda and says, sounding, like, ten years old: "don't tell anyone, but I told James but I found the idol!" The girls giggle in delight. Why is Ozzy telling anyone this? Seriously, why? And why would they be happy? The idol doesn't prevent them from being voted off, so why would they care? If anything, wouldn't they be bummed that it meant they now couldn't get the idol? Amanda tells Ozzy she's "so proud of him," then tells us that the idol is "in our little four-clique and I think it's going to stay in our little four-clique, so we're like the powerhouse right now." Again, I have no idea why Ozzy having the idol changes anything for the other three.

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Survivor

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