Survivor
High School Friend Contest

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Poker In The Rear

And now, Jean-Robert's Rilly Big Bluff. Out in the water taking a bath, J-R tells Erik how Erik and his pals are really fucked now. Erik smiles and says he thinks J-R is kind of in trouble himself, with all the votes he's been getting. J-R confidently announces that he might not get as many votes as Erik might think. "I have the hidden immunity idol," J-R tells Erik, who manages not to start giggling but clearly wants to. Instead, Erik is like, "Huh." J-R announces that now that he has the idol, he's "pretty much guaranteed top five for sure right now." Erik thinks for a minute. "What would you say if I told you that I was pretty sure that you didn't have the right immunity idol?" Such a good thing to say, seriously. J-R is still living in his fool's paradise, and he says, "I'd say you probably don't have as many clues as I do." Has he seriously not considered yet the fact that he received the last clue after many people already had several? Erik pauses again, considering how best to proceed. "I'm willing to share with you what I know," Erik finally says. He tells J-R about James showing up at Zhan Hu and ultimately turning out to have two immunity idols wrapped in his clothes. J-R is obviously taken aback, not only by this information in particular, but by the very idea that there are two idols. "I was right, but I was just too late," J-R says, congratulating himself for figuring out where the idol was after having seen all the clues, despite the fact that the final clue is always the one that pretty much draws you a map to the idol. J-R tells Erik that they'll "keep this on the DL" (way to talk like the young people, Slangy O'Rapsalot!) and that maybe they'll "pull a fast one on James." Erik looks pleased.

So J-R and James go out fishing together, and once they're out there, J-R asks James what he thinks about the idol. James plays dumb. Awesomely, J-R tells James, "You had to know I was going to figure it out sooner or later," as if he would have ever figured it out if Erik hadn't, you know, told his clueless ass exactly what was happening. When James wants to know who told, J-R insists that nobody told, because nobody could figure this out except him. Oh, Jean-Robert. You idiot. James continues insisting that not only does he not have two idols; he doesn't have any idols and has no idea what Jean-Robert is talking about. Man, this is...not a meeting of the minds, right here. J-R tells James that it's time to decide between working with J-R and being vanquished. That is all! All there is to it! Work with me or perish! James interviews that he might look dumb, but that he knows better than to try to work with Jean-Robert, who is patently untrustworthy. J-R wants to know what the deal is, and James tells him that when he finds two idols, he'll let J-R know. That's so...I mean, nobody's convincing anybody here. J-R is being stupid, but it's not like James is putting anything over on J-R either. It's lifeless, like a negotiation between two bundles of old newspapers.

So now, J-R continues making a jackass out of himself by interviewing that James is now "fair game" and having a summit with Todd in which he breathlessly reports the news that James is in possession of two immunity idols. Two! J-R tells Todd that the way he sees it, they should blindside James at tribal council, because he has both idols, but he won't play them if he doesn't know he's going. Say, that's a swell idea! Someone else should have thought of that. Todd now announces in an interview that he's "bothered" by having J-R come up with the same idea he already had, so now it's all on the table again. So let us review: if someone else comes up with the same idea you had, you must abandon your idea, because you must be the only person who has your idea. You might think it doesn't sound very smart, but my mom is very pleased that she never gets sweaters or jewelry for Christmas and gets only bricks and old bicycle tires. I am original.

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