Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | Grade It Now!

After the break, Laura arrives at Foa Foa and meets the other team. She interviews that everyone at Foa Foa is very friendly before getting all pissed off about how Shambo chose her to go to camp, like what did she expect? She didn't seem to have a problem when Shambo had to go to Foa Foa twice and I'm sure she would've sent Shambo a third time if she had the choice, so whatever, Laura. But Laura says it's because Shambo "doesn't like [her]." Well, maybe if you pronounced her name correctly one time she might feel differently. Li'l Russell quickly swoops in and takes Laura hunting for crabs to bond with her over the fact that they're parents and also Christians. You see, Li'l Russell claims that his father was a preacher (I wonder if his congregation was in a section of New Orleans that was hit by Hurricane Katrina? You know, since his son is a firefighter there and all), which pairs nicely with the fact that Laura is apparently a "theology student" even though the text under her name says she's an "office manager." Why do they even bother defining people by their jobs on this show anymore anyway? Laura has a degree in "women's ministry," saying she has no desire to be a pastor to men because "I don't believe that that's the woman's role." Ugh, really? I liked her, too. Can't this show just give me one contestant to like? Why must everyone suck? Li'l Russell takes all of this in before offering to form a secret post-merge Final Two alliance. Li'l Russell says that his brilliant plan to make life tough for his tribemates failed miserably since they're going into a merge without the numbers, so now his only hope is to "work [his] Houdini magic" on Laura. Somehow, "Houdini magic" means telling Laura that she's a "good Christian" and her calling him a "brotha from another motha" back. The real Houdini would not have done either of those things. He says he will "work" Laura "like a fine tool." Well, if anyone knows anything about tools, it's probably him. Laura interviews that the option of having a secret alliance with Li'l Russell is good "food for thought." So she's not totally on board with it by any means but I'm sure in next week's previouslys they'll give Li'l Russell total credit for tricking Laura to join his side. Li'l Russell tells Laura that the immunity idol has already been found. Laura guesses that Shambo has it, and Li'l Russell totally blows a chance to stir things up at Camp Galu by telling her that Ben found it.

The rest of Galu are rowed out to a tall ship that Erik describes as a "pirate ship." Yes, a pirate ship. Run by a dastardly older white couple and a bunch of other people who do not look at all Samoan. Come on. Captain Whitebeard says the plan is to "set sail" and then eat, which Dave Ball is very happy about. But first, Galu has to help the crew get the ship ready to set sail, which is so unfair. I'd be like "give me food now please thanks," but the contestants don't seem to mind. Especially not the women, who do no work while the men raise the sails. Shambo mutters something about "the beautiful exuberance of the purple team" because she has either forgotten what their real tribe name is or just can't pronounce it. The ship's crew stupidly lets Kelly try the wheel and she nearly capsizes the entire ship. Dave Ball gets very carried away with the pirate theme, talking about booty, grog, and wenches. And then the food comes out: a meaty beef stew, rolls, and scones. Apparently, pirates do not care for vegetables. Shambo enjoys it all, saying it's a nice change after the first sixteen days. Monica takes this moment to thank her for not sending her to Foa Foa and says she shouldn't "feel bad" about sending Laura. Meanwhile, she interviews that Shambo sent Laura to show everyone that she was in charge now and doesn't sound grateful at all. Shambo says she wasn't happy to send anyone, but sending Laura was "the right thing to do by the tribe."

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