I have to say, at this point, my brain started to construct an incredibly offensive and elaborate mental picture, which I will now share with you, because we are all in this together, after all. We are outside a closed door with a sign on it that reads, "The Casting Office Of The Mark Burnett Accounting Firm And Alligator-Wrestling Company." And we are looking at a line that stretches through the office and out into the hall, made up of people dressed up as every ethnic stereotype that they have not managed to include. You see the Eskimo, complete with harpoon; maybe Chief Wahoo, the mascot of the Cleveland Indians; a Sikh with a turban...you see what I mean. And they're all waiting in line patiently outside the casting office. The door opens. A neatly dressed woman peeks out. "I'm sorry; we're all full. Thanks for coming in." She closes the door. They all dejectedly walk away, dragging their assorted props. And...scene! Sign up here for sensitivity training!
Probst calls this "a social experiment." Internet moderators everywhere call these The Days Of Wine And Enormous Fistfuls Of Xanax.
Jeff says that each tribe will live on its own island, separate and apart, the way nature intended. As everyone jumps into the water, the cymbals coordinate perfectly with the splashes. Crash! Crash! Several tribes debut their society-building skills by dumping their material possessions into the ocean. So now we have the squandering of resources; let's move on to the raping of the earth and the oppression of the weak, and they really will be forming their own society. Yay! "Thirty seconds!" Jeff yells. An older dude with a ponytail says something about "the chicken," but it turns out that the chicken has been stolen. From the Asian-American team. By a white guy. You know, I feel like for this season, there should be some sound, like "doink," that we can all agree to make when something happens that would normally motivate us to say something kind of like: "I'm not saying it's funny, because even admitting it's funny means that I am recognizing that a stereotype exists, and by recognizing the existence of the stereotype and the unfortunate coincidence of what just happened, I am in no way implying that it is not a stereotype or that it is accurate; I am only saying that it is unfortunate in terms of timing, and I beg you not to misunderstand, and to instead embrace the incredible awkwardness with me so that we may contribute to the world's ability to work together in a spirit of peace and understanding." So, let's just say the white guy started off the proceedings by stealing all the stuff for himself. Doink. People jump into the water as Jeff becomes increasingly agitated, ordering them to "get overboard." Nothing like the pretty rich white dude ordering everybody to get off his goddamn boat and swim for it. It's hard to see what could possibly be ill-advised about this, isn't it?