I Can Forgive Her But I Don't Have To Because She Screwed With My Chickens

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Off To The Races

On the Aitu raft, Billy ("Heavy Metal Musician") tells his tribe mates that it feels backwards to him, since their parents -- his parents, at least -- got on rafts and left an island, and now he's paddling back. Asked where his parents are from, he says that they're from the Dominican Republic. Billy explains in an interview that he immediately figured there would be a huge advantage for his team, since all Hispanic people are from "Caribbean or South American backgrounds." He continues: "We're used to being in a tropical setting." It's so nice to know that "dumb-ass" is the universal language. Because..."We're all of Hispanic/Latino backgrounds, so catching our own food on a strip of sand will be a snap" doesn't sound to me like an image you'd really want to convey, even if you could do so convincingly. Cecilia ("Risk Consultant") looks on the bright side and says that she sees it as "a unique opportunity to represent our community in a positive way." Billy tells them that they should start with the shelter, and then he knows how to "make a toilet." I kind of like the idea that this was probably part of his plan, you know? Like, "I will secure my position by being the guy who can make a toilet. I will be Toilet Guy!" Fire, nimrods. Be the guy who can make fire.

J.P. ("Volleyball Pro") says that Billy announced all these things he knew how to do, and that J.P. didn't want to "judge him on his appearance," even though Billy's "out of shape." As Billy attempts to "cut" bamboo by whanging it against a tree until it collapses, Ozzy says that he was pretty sure based on that sight that Billy wasn't so much an expert on living in the tropics. Maybe he misunderstood when somebody told him how well he handled an axe. (Hotcha! My one guitar joke! Hope he doesn't play the tambourine!) Ozzy adds that he, in fact, took over and put the shelter together, but that he was trying to avoid leadership, which he didn't want. We then watch as he shimmies up a tree to get some coconuts. J.P. says that he could only think of Mowgli in The Jungle Book. Okay! Now we're getting somewhere with the uncomfortable imagery! Aitu sits down to share some coconuts, and Ozzy says that he thinks they have the strongest tribe. They'll certainly have the strongest toilet, and that's got to be worth something.

Puka paddles toward its island. Someone we will later know as Cao Boi teases, "I can't believe a bunch of Asians who are so little weigh so much." "No more Asian jokes," says one of the women, irritated. "All that rice!" Cao Boi continues. "Don't make stereotypes," another voice puts in. "Don't make stereotype what?" he asks. "What's fact is fact." Cao Boi then explains in an interview that he is a refugee (as well as a "Nail Salon Manager"), and he came to the United States after the Vietnam War. He says that if he can survive the war, he can survive this, which is the kind of comparison I always think is really uncomfortable. Real hardship over there; pretend hardship over here. Let us not confuse the two. Cao Boi helps drag the raft up onto the beach. "Second time being a boat person!" he says enthusiastically. He insists in his interview that he thinks they'll be able to fly under the radar, because nobody will expect the "little people with slanted eyes" to be able to see or do anything. Yeah, I can see how not everyone would want this particular gentleman to be the public face of the tribe. "People always underestimate the Asian," he says, and it's so funny, because he thinks he's saying something really profound, but of course, reality-show contestants have been claiming that they'll be underestimated based on some characteristic or another for years. Maybe forever. People underestimate the young, the old, the fat, the gay, the female, the blond, the gorgeous...pretty much everyone suspects they will be underestimated except for ugly twenty-two-year-old straight white male bodybuilders. It's a small world after all. Let's sing!

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