Survivor
I Lost Two Hands And Possibly A Shoulder!

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I Lost Two Hands And Possibly A Shoulder!

You may recall that when we left the Survivor-alists, Fei Long was wrapping up another pants-down spanking of Zhan Hu, and Zhan Hu was deciding whether to boot Dave, the former model and current prison warden/control freak, or Ashley, the WWE wrestler with the volleyboobs. In the end, while the tribe valued neither of them, it seemed like Dave might potentially have slightly more residual value, so in a case of "six of one, six-and-a-half of the other," they bounced Ashley, with obvious plans to bounce Dave next. It seemed inevitable that Dave would take this as an endorsement of his leadership and as a strong piece of evidence that he was doing everything exactly right. No worries! Ashley went home, didn't she? A vote against Ashley is a vote for Dave! Vote Dave in '07! Dave! Dave! Dave! This, Dave's mind is telling him, is airtight logic, you just know. In other news, Jean-Robert appeared to be the least subtle and most adenoidal poker player in gaming history.

Night 6, Fei Long. J-R is snoring like a freight train with four hundred live cows with chain saws aboard. Furthermore, he seems to be accidentally-on-purpose throwing his limbs over the women of the tribe while he's "sleeping." Leslie interviews that J-R, "God love him [natch]," is enormous, takes up a ton of space, and has a tendency to paw the women. "Maybe it's the silk shirt and the no underwear," she comments. Ew. Courtney interviews that she and Amanda are completely creeped out by J-R's handsiness while everyone is supposed to be asleep, and they both avoid being near him in the shelter. I'm not sure why they don't tell him that any contact that appears not to be accidental will result in a knee in the nuts, but apparently, they're not going with assertiveness as a strategy. Courtney says that J-R horndogs around about wanting her and Amanda nearby to keep him warm (EW!), but since she weighs "seven pounds," as she puts it, she can't keep anybody warm, including herself. Leslie says that J-R doesn't really grasp "the social game," and if they ever go to tribal council, it's going to be pretty easy, because J-R will go first. Well, that's a relief!

Credits. Hey, have you ever noticed that China looks very Chinese? It's amazing, seriously.

When we return, it's Day 7 at Fei Long. J-R is bathing, which is at least a minor act of mercy if indeed he sleeps without panties, and James and Amanda are cleaning out a crab trap that turns out to have but one crab in it. This crab now becomes the center of a kind of loaves-and-fishes parable, but since James is not Jesus, it's really just the one crab. When they return to camp, Courtney and Aaron bicker about how to distribute one crab to eight people, with Courtney (and, incidentally, crab-catcher James) taking the position that cooking it into a stock and serving it with rice would be the best approach. Leslie interviews that "the boys" are really "cranky." She says being hungry always makes her husband cranky, too, so she makes sure he stays fed. This is her husband "times infinity."

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Survivor

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