Survivor
I Need Redemption

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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We Don't Need Spoken Words

Finally, the helicopter lands and out pops Ozzy. The blue tribe's Mikayla hopes Ozzy ends up on her tribe because he's good at fishing. The reception for Coach is a bit less enthusiastic. Actually, how is it at all fair that Li'l Li'l Russell is playing this game with someone his uncle once played it with? That could be such an unfair advantage, especially since the other contestants don't (yet) know about it. Mikayla interviews that Ozzy is amazing and great and such a good tribemate, while Coach is crazy and weird. I think it's safe to assume that Coach is going to be on Mikayla's tribe. Probst notes that Christine doesn't look too thrilled about the returning players. She isn't. She makes fun of Coach's dragon poses before calling him and Ozzy "temporary players." Well, that's the kind of talk that got Francesca voted out first just last season, so, good plan, Christine! Probst asks super-fan John what he thinks, but John would rather kiss Probst's ass and ask him to call him by his last name like he does for his other man-crushes. Probst does call him by his last name, but I have no intention of doing that. He asks, again, for John's reaction to Coach and Ozzy, and John proceeds to nerd out all over the place and admit to being a huge fan of the show and owning a collection of buffs. So I guess that solves the question of who is buying those stupid things.

Probst hands Ozzy and Coach one egg each and tells them to smash them open at the same time to see what color paint is inside, which will dictate with tribe they're on. Hilariously, it takes Ozzy three tries to smash his egg open over his heart, while Coach calmly squeezes his shell open in the palm of his hand. Ozzy gets the red egg, which means he's on the Savii tribe, while Coach, with blue, is on Mikayla's Upolu tribe just like we all knew he would be. Christine and Rick frown about their new tribemate, with Rick interviewing that he doesn't understand Coach's dragon slayer thing and thinks he's too old for that anyway, saying Coach is "in his 40's." Actually, Coach claims to be 39, which everyone knows is still young enough to go around calling oneself a Dragon Slayer. Coach isn't totally oblivious to how much his new tribe hates him. "I kinda grabbed a hold of my cheeks right here and said 'hold on for the ride, cause it's gonna be rocky in the beginning.'" Oh, poor Coach. Always in situations where he is forced to protect his ass. At least this tribe isn't trying to eat his asshole. Coach continues that he'll have to have "twice the Slayer charm" to get through the first few days. I'm afraid that's not true, Coach. Two times zero is, after all, still zero. Probst sends Ozzy off to join his tribe, and Ozzy impishly slaps Probst on the chest with his red-painted hand before dashing off to meet them in a group hug.

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Survivor

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