Survivor
I Need Redemption

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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We Don't Need Spoken Words

Savaii arrive at camp and love Ozzy some more. As a returning player, they look to him to tell him what to do and how to build the shelter, which is unfortunate, since Ozzy has never been much of a leader. His advice: "let's keep walking around. Let's keep checking." At some point, they stop walking around and introduce themselves. John admits he's a student at Harvard Law School, which we now all know gives awards to essays about crappy TV shows. The pretty blonde girl whose name I see no reason to bother learning says she's a songwriter. Semhar doesn't just have a job: she has a talent and a soul and a life, and it's all about spoken word poetry. Savaii's designated Old Man immediately asks her to perform, and she does, and it sounds just as good or bad as every spoken word poetry reading I've ever heard, including the parodies. Semhar interviews that she was put on the spot but was able to deliver: "I'm not going to say I'm a poet and then have nothing to show for it," she says, pretty much failing at her job, life, talent, and soul right there. It would have been so easy just to say "poet" and "show it." There's then a long discussion amongst the tribe about how to pronounce her name. I hope they're also asking how it's spelled, as this will be useful for them when they all write it down at the end of the episode (spoiler alert!). Ozzy interviews that Semhar is "beautiful to look at," which therefore also makes him think she's "incredibly talented" and a good person to have "beside [him] for the long haul." So, basically, Ozzy hasn't matured very much at all and his strategy is going to be about the same as it was the last two times he played.

Ozzy then decrees that this is the best tribe he's ever been on and doesn't need to do any work on, say, a shelter or gathering food or water. Instead, they will go swimming. This presents a problem for John, who is uncomfortable stripping down to just his underwear in front of the people he's going to regularly wear that much clothing or less for the next however many days he's in this game (I'm going with 6. Or 36). Instead of suffering in silence and going with it like the rest of us did in our middle school gym locker rooms, John walks around complaining to everyone else in his tribe, thus making his tribemates and the national television audience cognizant of the fact that he has a terrible body and probably a small penis, too. John says he's just ashamed of his really pale skin and the fact that he looks different than everyone else on his tribe, who are all a bunch of bikini models. Like Mark, the 48-year-old big hairy guy. Or Dawn, the 41-year-old mother of 15. Bikini babes, all! John finally does take his shirt off, and he really doesn't look that bad. I've seen skinny guys with much saggier pecs and bigger potbellies.

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Survivor

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