Survivor
I Promise

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The Wizard of Ozzy

An hour has gone by since the beginning of the challenge, and it's time for more Probst goodies. This time, it's a plate of three chocolate glazed donuts. "I'll take it!" Ozzy says, dumping water on himself. Wow -- I was not expecting that. Maybe he knew he was about to go anyway and decided to give himself a little treat at the same time? Or maybe he's sick of being the one person who has to beat Jason in the immunity challenge and decided to put the onus on Amanda and Parvati to do it instead. Jason grins and tastes victory while Ozzy tastes his donuts. Hope they're worth it!

I'm surprised and impressed that, after three hours, Parvati and Amanda are still in the game. And it's raining, now. Two more hours go by, the rain has stopped, and Probst is bored out of his skull. But then something happens! Amanda says she's done -- "I have to pee!" She's even doing the pee-pee dance. Now that I think about it, it's kind of unfair that men can just turn around and relieve themselves without having to bow out of the competition but women have to either drop out and hide in some bushes or basically drop trou and pee in front of everyone and on camera. Anyway, Amanda pulls her bucket down, unties herself, and goes running off into the jungle to pee. I guess she really had to go!

We are now six hours into the challenge, and I have to say I admire Parvati's endurance here. Especially since I wouldn't have expected her to have much strength in her arm; it's not like she raised it much in school. Probst comes forward with a plate full of what I'm assuming is everything he's tried to bribe them with so far: cookies, milk, donuts, candy, peanut butter, two chocolate bars, beer, and pizza. And just to make things tricky, he says that if one of them steps down to take the prize, they'll be able to share it with everyone on the bench. Oh, fuck that -- they've been up there for six hours! Whoever steps down should get everything. Maybe Amanda can get, like, one slice of pizza since she was there for five hours. But no beer with that tiny bladder of hers. "Jason -- you could make friends!" Parvati says, because having friends is really important to someone like her and therefore, must be to everyone else. Then again, she's definitely doing a great job with the social aspect of this game so far, so maybe her advice is worth taking. Hungry Natalie speaks up and says that if Jason goes out, they might all decide not to vote him out. "I'd need a guarantee," Jason says. And he wants one from everyone. Natalie is the first to make it. Erik is the second. Parvati is the third, even though she won't be getting any food if Jason steps down. That would make me think these guarantees were worthless if I was Jason. In fact, I wouldn't even have bothered asking for guarantees in the first place. Meanwhile, Cirie and Ozzy are whispering to each other. Jason is turned away from the bench so he can't see their blatant plotting. Cirie crosses her fingers behind Erik's back, where everyone else can see except Jason. Then she uncrosses them and guarantees. So her crossing her fingers was more telling everyone else to lie to Jason rather than her thinking crossing one's fingers automatically means it's okay to lie. Because that would have been childish. For example, Alexis crosses her fingers when she makes her guarantee, because she is a child. Amanda and Ozzy guarantee. James is the last person to guarantee, albeit reluctantly. Probst asks Jason if he trusts them. Jason says he'll have to think about it. Uh oh -- he doesn't know how to think! Who knows what could happen if he tries! Incredible naïve stupidity, apparently, because he then says "Either I'm making the biggest mistake of the game right now, or it could keep me out here for a little while longer," crosses his fingers (for luck, not grade school promise-breaker protection), and steps down. Oh, Jason. That was dumb. DUMB. DUMB!!!! So dumb! Parvati releases herself from the tether and groans in shoulder pain. She gets the immunity necklace and everyone else gets the pizza. There's a particularly unflattering shot of Alexis finally enjoying those cookies.

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