Survivor
I Should Be Carried On The Chariot-Type Thing

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Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
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Cirie-ous Problems

So...wow. Yeah, Jonathan mishandled parts of that, but the personal ugliness is all Cirie. There's no need to take a disagreement about strategy and suddenly make it personal, nor does anyone with any kind of head for Survivor actually believe that there's a one-to-one correlation between how well you played and what your placement was. (See: half the brain-dead, strategy-goofed finalists ever.) That's the absolute height of hubris, believing you can throw your fourth-place finish around simply because it's better than someone else's seventh-place finish. I loved Cirie on her season, and I intend to forgive her this one discussion, but she is in the wrong here without question, and she is the one who made this discussion ugly as opposed to just frustratingly lacking in good communication. Cirie's great, but it would take twisting myself into a Bavarian pretzel to justify the personal attack here, so I'm going to just chalk it up to "nobody's perfect."

At any rate, seeing where Cirie's decided to take the discussion -- away from strategy and towards "fuck you, rat cancer" -- Jonathan calmly responds that, yes, she made it farther than he did. And then it kind of winds down, and this woman who's been bitching about not being courted enough decides to get all, "I need everyone to leave me alone for five minutes," and I'm going to go watch some Cirie clips somewhere from some previous season, because I kind of want to like her again, and right now? No.

Wait, Ozzy is there? Amanda is there! For this discussion! What? WHAT IS GOING ON? Do I not remember who's supposed to be in alliances with each other? Do I not remember which one is Ozzy?

So now, proving that Cirie is incorrect that he has some magic bond with Yau-Man, Jonathan has a discussion with Ozzy (what?) in which he says that they can boot Yau-Man off if that's the right thing to do, but Ozzy says he doesn't want that. WHAT? That's what Ozzy said around the fire! That he wanted! I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Get me a dictionary! I want a schematic diagram! If I press the up arrow and the Menu button, do I get Easter eggs? So then Jonathan suggests Parvati. And Ozzy suggests Eliza. Why does Ozzy think Jonathan would accept booting Eliza? Is there something we're not being told about Ozzy and Jonathan not actually being on warring alliances? At the very least, are these alliances not set in stone? Ozzy tells Jonathan that there's no point in voting for Parvati; that's just going to mean Yau-Man goes home, because "they will have numbers." I originally thought this was "then we'll have numbers," referring to his own alleged alliance, but he actually says "they will have numbers." Making "them," I suppose, Parvati-Amanda-James-Cirie -- a group in which Ozzy does not include himself. This is very confusing.

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Survivor

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