Anyway, I fell asleep through half of that random boring guy's voiceover, only to wake up to hear Stephen talking about dragons as they approach Brendan's torch. Stephen, you need to shut up about the dragons now, okay? Douche is gone and we're all very happy about that. Don't make him think he left any kind of a mark there. J.T. says Brendan was a good athlete. "Too true," Erinn puts in. Oh, I forgot how Brendan related every single thing he said and did to the fact that he's an entrepreneur. He says that just because you're successful in business does not necessarily mean you'll be good at Survivor. Especially when you set up an awesome secret alliance and then totally fail to follow through on it, thus creating one of the most boring seasons ever.
They approach Tyson's torch, and Stephen claims that Tyson was funny, kind, and sincere, and his boot was the turning point of the game. Tyson says that he was blind-sided when he got too confident, then goes into asshole mode and says being strong doesn't win this game -- being pathetic and weak does. He didn't seem to mind that when it came time to get rid of Brendan, though, did he? Next is Sierra, and Stephen is once again doing most of the talking for the people in Erinn's tribe as he says that Sierra was honest and sweet and "it was great getting to know her." And yet, you guys all hated her. I saw that reward challenge. Sierra says this game was a series of highs and lows for her, and she wore her heart on her sleeve and "stayed true" to herself, which I wouldn't want to admit since her true self is clearly someone that people don't like. Then again, it's just people like Debbie and Douche, so that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Speaking of Debbie, her torch is up next. Surprisingly, Erinn claims that she was closest to Debbie out there and voting her out was her hardest vote. Did we see any of that friendship on the show? I guess it was cut out to show more of Douche. Stephen says that Debbie was a surprisingly strong challenge competitor and strategic and kind. Compared to the rest of these people, I suppose Debbie is strategic. Debbie says that she thought her background as a middle school principal would prepare her well for this show, but it didn't. But she thinks being on the show prepared her for the rest of the world. There's a shot of her during that weight-bearing competition. That was pretty impressive, I must say. And then, Douche's torch. Erinn says his boot was her most satisfying. Go, Erinn! Then J.T. ruins it by saying that Douche is "one of the most honest people" he knows. Don't think you're all that honest, Douche -- most of J.T.'s friends are cows, and we all know that cows are dirty liars. Stephen says that Douche changed the game, just like he wanted. Yeah, he made it suck. Douche quotes Nietzsche and says something about Vikings, Indians, and the Samurai, of course. He's not on the show anymore so I don't think I'm contractually obligated to recap him. And really? Do they have to give him a slow-motion hair-blowing-in-the-wind Jesus shot? Really? Finally, we end with Taj's torch. Everyone loves Taj and feels bad about voting her out. Taj says she learned a lot on this show, but in the end she forgot they were playing for a million dollars (and probably how much money that is to someone who doesn't have it already) and it cost her the game. And this is why Survivor needs to stop casting millionaires. They just don't have the same motivation poor people do, and it's boring.