I'll Show You How Threatening I Am

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The Ulong Goodbye

Next, Ian has better things to do than think about his family, because in honor of Jeff calling him out for stinking up the joint, he will be taking a bath. In fact, he calls it "bath day." I would think that with all the free time these people have, you wouldn't require a special day to be bath day, but apparently, Ian does. It explains a lot, frankly. He takes the little basket of cleaning products out into the water and starts to clean. He washes his hair. He washes his legs and his feet. He scrubs his knees. As he's out there, Gregg joins him. If you think this is getting kind of porny, you're actually right, and you only get righter when Ian tells Gregg that he could use a hand, because he can't see his back and can't see to get the dirt off. Ian interviews that this was in spite of his "monkey arms." Heh. So Gregg pitches in and takes the washcloth to Ian's back. On shore, A-Jen comments that it's "quite a picture out there, with the men bathing each other." BOYS TOUCHING! BOYS TOUCHING! "I think they could have asked a girl to loofah their backs if they wanted to," Jen says, apparently unable to believe that the guys missed out on an opportunity to dodge contact far less intimate than most of them have probably experienced regularly through sports. Katie at least makes a little more light of it: "So, Ian and Gregg had a little moment, down in the water," she says in her scandale! voice. "Maybe that's the secret alliance we don't know about! You never kno-ow," she sing-songs, in a way that's funnier than it sounds like it would be. Ian interviews that it was "a Grecian bath," and adds that while he was mocked, he's "comfortable with [his] sexuality." Heh. Tom wanders by while Ian is washing off, and Ian asks him whether he sees any major dirt spots on the back of Ian's neck. "No, there's not, uh, I'm not going to clean it for you, but there's, uh, you look nice and clean," Tom says. Tom does not add, "I have a firehouse to go back to after this, you know." That entire sequence is so dumb and played, to some degree, but they all kind of treated it like parody, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Besides, I think I could actually smell Ian through my television, so the bath was probably overdue.

The next day, Tom takes a walk with Caryn and tells her that he knows he's a target, and that he's not feeling too confident. He thinks his position is all right at this point, but that they're going to have an immunity challenge soon, and then everything will be up in the air. Tom tells her that while he loves his original five-person alliance, he doesn't really want to be dealing with Ian down the road, and doesn't think Ian wants to be dealing with Tom. He interviews that he thinks this could be a moment where the tribe might decide that it's a good time to get rid of him, before it gets harder. He says that the only protection he has is to keep his alliance together, and then also to bring in Caryn on the side. And indeed, he basically admits to Caryn that she would be the sixth person in an alliance of five. And when there are seven people, I'm not sure why that works on her at all, but...okay. Caryn, in turn, interviews that Tom is her "in," and I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to wind up "in," but again, who am I to argue? She says that Tom told her he wanted her to go as far as she can, meaning...three more days? I mean, once he's admitted to the alliance of five, what is this about? Tom and Caryn agree that they will "look out for each other," whatever that means, and then Tom interviews that befriending her was "a good move." He then interviews that if he doesn't snag immunity, he'll expect to get some votes.

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