Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 696 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!

Forty-five minutes in, Probst wants to get this over with so he tries to work some psychological magic by telling the contestants that as the water creeps up, their brains will tell them to panic and bail out. Except for Amanda's brain, which will tell you it's a good idea to doze off in the middle of a competition in the water. I guess Jason has nothing to worry about, since his brain tells him nothing. Because it doesn't exist.

Parvati is second out, followed by Alexis. As soon as Cirie's smirk goes underwater, she quits, too. The remaining contestants are struggling. Despite her thin sharp nose that I would have expected to rise far above everyone else's, Natalie is next to go. The water starts getting in Eliza's nose and she has to give up. Noooo! Oh, that so sucks. Erik follows her out. James, Jason, and Ozzy are left, and all three have cleverly made some kind of snorkel with their hands. That's probably the key to winning this game. Why couldn't you have thought of that, Eliza? Why???

An hour has gone by, and the water is now completely above the grate. None of the watching contestants can believe James, Jason, and Ozzy are able to breathe. They're really not, though, as we see them sputtering and gurgling. "This is, like, painful," Parvati says. Parvati, by the way, was the first person to quit the game intentionally. James goes next. Ozzy is struggling and keeps ducking under water. And then Ozzy has to give up. He comes to the surface coughing and spitting water out of his mouth, looking half-drowned. Jason wins immunity and celebrates. Eliza grins because she thinks Jason's win is also hers.

Back on the beach, Jason tells Eliza how great it felt to win over Ozzy, who he's watched dominate so many challenges. He tells us that he not only won, but he also "dominated." Okay, come on. That wasn't a challenge you could really "dominate." Jason just has, like, the most protruding mouth and best hand-snorkel-making skills. And it's not like he would've stayed in that challenge for much longer than Ozzy. Jason says the look of failure on Ozzy's face was "delightful," and he's looking forward to sending him home tonight.

Natalie, Cirie, and Parvati walk together. Natalie wants to know what's going on, saying she feels "out of the loop." Parvati promises Natalie that she is in the loop and then tells us that Eliza is going home tonight and Parvati can't wait; she says Eliza's been gunning for her since Day One. Really? I was not aware of this. I'm not sure if Eliza was, either. While Eliza skulks around in the bushes, Parvati tries to rationalize her joy at booting Eliza by saying Eliza has been working against her for the whole game and only tried to work with Parvati as a last resort. "Too little, too late," Parvati says. Eliza runs off and finds Jason and tells him she's pretty sure she's going tonight, so she'll be needing his immunity idol. Oh, how I wish Jason had the real idol now. It would have been so great to see the look on everyone's faces when she produced it. Jason promises Eliza he'll get the idol to her before tribal council and that Ozzy is as good as gone. "I can't wait to send Ozzy's cocky ass home tonight," Jason says. "This might make me more hated than Fairplay," Eliza says. No, no, no, Eliza -- we hate Fairplay because of his personality and famewhoring, not his game play. By the way, at the Vanuatu finale party, Fairplay got really drunk and came onto me (and everything else that moved, so I'm not that special). He thought I was Eliza. Probst got so mad at Fairplay's behavior during that party that he banned him from all future Probst-attended events. I guess he's lifted that ban since then, though. I'm not looking forward to seeing him on the Reunion show.

Survivor

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