I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | Grade It Now!
I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!

The next morning, the new tribe arrives at Malakal. Alexis tells us it's "heaven," and so much better than Airai. I'm getting a little sick of everyone shit-talking Airai, okay? Beaches have feelings, too. Alexis and Natalie promptly take a nap under Cirie's critical smirk while Erik and Jason put the new tribe flag up. It looks as crappy as you'd expect a flag made in one night by a bunch of starving drunk people with little to no craft skills to look. Cirie tells us she feels like strangers are coming into her house and messing with her stuff.

Meanwhile, Ozzy gains a new fan club member in Jason, who says he's been waiting "all game" to meet Ozzy and learn how to use the fishing spear. Here's a novel concept: instead of waiting for someone to show you something, why not learn how to do it on your own? Dumbass. Ozzy tells us he thinks Jason is going to try to do everything better than him to prove himself, but he knows that someone took the fake immunity idol he made and he's pretty sure that person is Jason, since he's the only one who had the opportunity who hasn't been voted out yet. This makes Ozzy very happy. In fact, he calls it "poetry in the making." Here's a little poetry for you, Ozzy, in the form of a haiku:

please can you shut up
about your homemade idol
it's not that clever

With a particularly doofy walk, Jason wanders around the Malakal woods, looking for a place to hide his stupid fake idol. He stuffs it in a hole and applauds himself on getting it in there without anyone else seeing, as Jason is under the mistaken impression that people care about where he is and what he's doing. He hopes he won't forget where the idol is, showing a remarkable degree of self-awareness at his own incredible stupidity, and walks away. I'm still not sure why people feel the need to hide their idols as opposed to just putting them in their bags. Are fellow contestants allowed to look through your bags and steal your stuff? That seems wrong.

Meanwhile, Eliza asks Parvati what happened to Ami. Parvati says she spoke to Amanda and found out that they voted Ami out because she was trying to get rid of Ozzy. Eliza is surprised, saying it seems "unlike Ami" to go behind someone's back. Well, it's unlike Sweet Ami, I'll agree. But it's totally consistent with Evil Ami. Eliza makes a transparent and sadly pathetic attempt to get a new alliance in the wake of Ami's departure by swearing loyalty to Parvati and her alliance. "We're all still sticking together, right?" she asks/begs. "I don't know," Parvati says. Uh oh. Eliza says she thought they'd vote out all the "Fans" first. "It's like a whole different game, you know?" Parvati non-answers, looking annoyingly smug. Eliza tells us she doesn't know what to do now. Jason appears to be her only ally. "This is a disaster," she says. Yes. Yes, it is. Parvati tells us it's no longer Fans vs. Favorites now, and she thinks it's "hilarious" that Eliza is always scrambling around trying to not to be on the outs. I think it's sad. But that's because I like Eliza. I guess if I didn't like her, I think this was as funny as Parvati seems to. "How can anyone be so ridiculous?" asks Parvati. Because it's not like she's going around making several alliances with several different people or anything, right?

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