I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | Grade It Now!
I'm In Such A Hot Pickle!

Ozzy and Alexis continue to get to know each other while horizontal. Ozzy tells Alexis about surfing in Australia while Amanda and Cirie wander around nearby. "Alexis is dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous. And she needs to go," Amanda says. Cirie says that sounds good. "She needs to go now!" Amanda asserts. Heh heh heh. Amanda says she's disappointed in Ozzy. "He playing," Cirie says, shaking her head. Cirie smirks to us that she has a feeling Amanda's desire to get rid of Alexis has more to do with jealousy than strategy. It doesn't matter one way or the other to Cirie, who says she's perfectly happy to vote for Alexis as long as it keeps Cirie in the game.

Natalie and Alexis pretend to chop coconuts on the beach. Eliza walks past them, whistling a merry tune. Sigh. Eliza finds Jason, who says he got the idol out of its hiding spot and put it in her bag. He leaves and she goes to get it. She takes it out, unwraps it, and...boy, is that thing pathetic. I forgot how silly it looked. I mean, it's got a smiley face carved into it! Jason is a moron. "This isn't it," Eliza gasps. She desperately searches the cloth for the real idol, but it's not there. "This is so stupid, this is just a napkin!" she says; "Oh my god...this isn't it." Take heart, Eliza; I'm sure you'll make a great lawyer.

Eliza storms back across the beach. She is no longer whistling a merry tune. She pulls Jason aside and asks him what he's trying to pull by giving her a fake idol. I love how Eliza assumed that Jason was just playing a trick on her because it didn't occur to her that anyone could have thought that smiling stick was real. Jason insists that it's the real idol. Eliza figures everything out: Ozzy found the real idol and made a fake one for Jason to find. "It's a fucking stick!" Eliza says. She's so mad that her mouth went blurry. This is kind of awesome. Too bad it's at Eliza's expense. "I know. It has a face on it, don't worry," Jason says. Oh my god. The face on Eliza right now is priceless. She's like, "Oh my god. I am in an alliance with an idiot. That makes me half-idiot. Damn it!" She again tries to explain to Jason that Ozzy just put a face on a piece of wood. "It's not the idol!" she says. "Why do you say that?" Jason asks again. "That can't be the idol," Eliza says. "Why not?" Jason asks. "Because it's just a stick!!!" Eliza says. "I know," Jason says. Look at his eyes. There is nothing behind them. "That's a bummer," Jason says unsympathetically, probably still thinking it's the real idol and Eliza's just being silly. Eliza wonders if she should try to play it anyway. Jason thinks so. I hope Eliza plays it right up Jason's ass.

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