I'm Not As Dumb As I Look

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
Dumb Is Right

Jeff sends the group off with a promise that, to celebrate the merge, they will first be attending a feast. And, he adds With Importance, they should remember while at the feast and the accompanying "cultural performances" that the game never stops. I wonder if Jeff knows that all performances are cultural. Apparently, for Jeff Probst, culture is divided into cultural culture and regular culture, depending on whether it takes place in a country other than Los Angeles. Jean-Robert assures us (after the fact, in a voice-over) that he was trying hard to figure out what that could possibly mean. Because, you see, Jean-Robert is a professional poker player, so when Jeff Probst glowers at him and starts talking like everything coming out of his mouth is being uttered from Eva Perón's balcony, Jean-Robert realizes that something is going on, because he knows people.

So the group gathers at some sort of...Pavilion of Production or something, where there are fireworks to kick off the celebration. Courtney interviews that she was super-excited about this, because (with appropriate thumb indicators) "Boo challenges, yay feast." Heh. Aside from the fact that she looks like her last feast was probably at her own sweet sixteen party and since then it's just been lettuce, it's a pretty good presentation of a hungry girl declaring that she's pro-food. The food is presented a little at a time (a combination of meat and vegetarian, just like college!), and everyone looks mighty hungry. (Insert your own "over there, they just call it 'food'" joke.) Courtney also tells us that they enjoyed their alcoholic beverages, but for some reason, during this part of the interview, her voice rises to a squeak that only dogs can hear. And not any dogs, either. Only small dogs. Seriously, I don't even know how she would do that to her voice on purpose, let alone apparently inadvertently. Yikes. Various women around the table do little Chinese shots, which gets them lots of encouragement from the men, who apparently think seeing girls drinking is endearing. Oh, sure. They feel that way now. Because they haven't met the right girls.

We watch a show by some Chinese acrobats bouncing one girl on a narrow pole, and...that looks hard. It looks...really hard. Jaime tells us that it was a lot of fun to have drinks and watch this really cool show. Plate-spinners! Contortionists! ("I could do that," James deadpans.) More fireworks! Dancers! Of course, Jean-Robert has to make smarmy remarks about the cultural dancers. He is representing us all! Amanda, meanwhile, makes clear in an interview that as far as she was concerned, the merge did nothing to change the fact that it was still all about original Zhan Hu versus original Fei Long. Funny how that fact that Jaime and Peih-Gee were counting on -- stupid Jaime, dumb as a mashed potato! -- hasn't changed.

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