Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | 900 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
How Do You Like Them Apples?

The players arrive at tribal council and Probst calls the jury in. Of course, Ozzy can't help but flip everyone off as he sits down. Now you look like an even sorer loser on national TV, Ozzy. Hope that was worth it. I still don't understand why it's okay to make promises you don't intend to keep to the one guy on the tribe who has nothing to lose, but when you're the biggest target in the game and you get a surprise boot, it's totally wrong.

Probst starts things off pro-Ozzy by asking Parvati about the statement they made last week by voting off one of the biggest physical threats as well as "one of the biggest providers." Parvati says they can provide just fine for themselves, and have been for a while. Yes, Probst, it's true; more than one person on this show knows how to get coconuts and fish and crabs. Not to mention the giant feasts that come with every reward challenge. The only time when people cared about keeping the provider around was, like, the first season with Richard Hatch. Drop it already. Probst asks James if it's occurred to him that, now that they don't need providers (which James apparently is because he has a penis), he'll be going soon. James says things don't look good for him. Probst asks if it would be frustrating for James to get voted out after all he's done for these ungrateful ladies, who take and take and take but never give. I'll bet it would be less frustatrating for the ladies, as they would now be able to get a good night's sleep without James waking them up with his passive aggressive woodworking. James goes off on another apple speech, saying Parvati was "greedy" and "wanted to be in a better position." Such bitchery, wanting to win a game, the point of which is to win! How greedy of her to want to win one million dollars, especially since I'm sure James isn't here for the money at all and plans to donate any and all winnings to a deserving charity. But while James is being a huge hypocrite, he does manage to make sure the jury knows that Parvati was the person who engineered Ozzy's booting. At this, Eliza turns to stare at Ozzy, who sits up, shaking his head and muttering "bitch." Oh waaah! No one's ever been voted off of this show before, so your grievance is totally just, Ozzy. Meanwhile, Cirie sits there with no fingers pointed it at her and looks more and more appealing to the jury every day.

Survivor

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